TUESDAY

1. George Stephanopoulos is getting the boot from GMA for being a midget. Amanpour is getting the boot from This Week for being a suck ass anchor. Both return to old jobs doing what they did best. Now, if they can only get Katie back to the Today show.

2. The Post Office delays closing offices until Congress can bail them out AGAIN.

3. The Donald cancels his circus debate. That is a real shame. I was wondering what catchphrase he was going to invent for the occasion.

4. They are phasing out the dollar coin mainly because you can't wipe your ass with a coin.

5. That last one was so funny I think I will post it on Facebook. Hate to waste good inflation humor.

6. The Donald might still run for Prez. He thinks being POTUS will improve ratings for The Apprentice.

7. Can the EU make it to Christmas? Euros make lousy toilet paper. Gift wrap might be better.

8. Katie Couric dumps her boyfriend. I bet she gets a spot on GMA with the new hunk.

9. They may have discovered the God particle. This is what gives mass to the other particles. NEXT: The search for the the Deviled Egg particle. This is what gives stink to a fart.

10. I know where that particle is.

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