10 Big Lies You Need to Stop Believing In

This essay will be a rehash of things that regular C-blog readers have already heard from me. But I thought it would be nice to collect them all into a nice readable magazine style article with a catchy headline. Here are the big lies you need to stop believing in.

1. You will find happiness in true love.

Love is a crock of shit. A 50% divorce rate, massive infidelity, and decades of misery should show this for the lie that it is. Even rich famous beautiful people can't find happiness in love. Recognize this for the crap that it is.

2. You are above average.

No, you're not. On average, everyone thinks they are above average. The reality is that most of us fall firmly in the fat portion of the bell curve. Accepting this is called "settling." Rejecting this is to roll the dice only to end up with below average results. This is why all the waiters in Hollywood are good looking.

3. Retirement.

Many people want to retire. You have early retirement at age 55. You have people retired for 20 and 30 years. People believe Social Security will take care of them. Others count on huge stock market gains to see them through. The pension will be there. I won't be eating cat food. Blah blah blah. All of this nonsense is spouted in the hopes that one day people won't have to work anymore. But the secret to a comfortable retirement is hard work. The only people who work hard are the people who like working. These people are not interested in retiring.

4. Happiness is something you buy.

Happiness does not come from buying things. People work hard to make money to buy things that they think will bring happiness. But those things don't bring happiness anymore than buying a guitar makes you a musician. Happiness comes from what you do. The things you own are merely tools to enable you to do the things that bring happiness.

5. Government makes things better.

No, it doesn't. Government is the lie that all problems stem from freedom. If you deprive people of certain or all freedoms, problems will be solved or at least mitigated. This is why we incarcerate pot smokers and subject them to anal rape for their own good. This is why we take money from the greedy and give it to the lazy. This is why we have freedom of the press except for when the press is effective like WikiLeaks.

6. Wealth is created with a printing press.

People believe that because the Federal Reserve prints money it is able to create wealth. If that is the case, why do we incarcerate counterfeiters? The Fed doesn't create wealth. It steals wealth by devaluing the currency. Then, they lend this stolen wealth to the US Government or their pals in other central banks or their friends on Wall Street. This is why the rich get richer while the poor get poorer. And because it is done in secret, the poor stupid American public is no wiser. They simply spread their cheeks and take the Fed dick straight up the shitter.

7. Experts know things I don't.

It is impossible to know everything. This isn't a question of intelligence but time. This is why a big time millionaire neurosurgeon turns his money over to some college dropout stockbroker who promptly blows that cash for him. Why would such a brilliant man do something this stupid? He simply doesn't know or have the time to learn. So, he trusts his "expert." If you're wondering if the same thing happens in other fields, it does. It will amaze you how much stupidity is masquerading as brilliance.

8. There is a God, and he has a wonderful plan for my life.

There is no God. Stop fooling yourself. When you pray, no one up there is listening. When you die, you will be gone forever. Religion is a fairy tale meant to comfort people from the horror of the facts I just laid on you. Quit believing in fairy tales.

9. A college degree will earn me a comfortable middle class lifestyle.

No, it won't. The middle class got there by the old fashioned way. This would be hard work and thrift. You work hard, and you save your money. College was merely a signifier that you had those middle class virtues. Now, college tells people that you are a debt burdened slack ass loser. Want to be middle class? Work hard and spend less. Nothing has changed.

10. One day, I'll have all my shit together.

No, you won't. We like to imagine ourselves in the future as people who exercise daily, floss, eat right, and have acquired a certain measure of status and wealth. The reality is that we waste our lives thinking how nice it would be to have our shit together while we pop the top on another beer and scarf more potato chips while Family Feud is on. We like the beer and chips because they make us feel better. That pleasure is immediate. Those other pleasures are delayed. The best tip I can give you is to enjoy doing the right things for their own sake instead of in terms of this future idealized self. When going to the gym provides as much pleasure as watching SportsCenter, your life will be different for the long term. But you are never going to have your shit together. It will always be a struggle. Try to make it less of a struggle.

There you have it. Ten big lies you need to stop believing in. Chuck this bullshit out of your life, and you will find things going better for it. You can trust me on this. I'm an expert.

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