Making a Friend of Pain

Pain is a fact of life. Pain is useful. Pain is communication. Pain tells us something is wrong. We respond to pain. We want to escape it. But pain is not the enemy. The cause of pain is the enemy. Pain is ultimately your friend.

If you did not have pain in your life, you would become disfigured. This is because you would injure yourself and not know it. The hand would stay on the hot stove and burn until the scent of charred flesh hit your nostrils. Rats would nibble on your fingers while you slept, and you would never know. You would break your leg but keep walking on it. You would freeze in cold weather and die.

We avoid pain. The problem is that this avoidance of pain causes other pain. The sluggard who indulges laziness and avoids the pain of work ends up with the pain of starvation and want. The unfit avoid the pain of exercise and experience the pain of not being able to climb the stairs. The cowardly avoid the pain of conflict and experience the pain of consequences. There is so much inescapable irony with pain that you must conclude one thing. You must choose pain. Your only real option is to decide which flavor of pain you like best.

The ability and willingness to endure pain and adversity is known as fortitude. Fortitude is a strange virtue as even the debauched often display it. We pay begrudging respect to the drunkard who is able to withstand the rigors of hard drinking. The drunkard is not much different from the endurance athlete that logs in many miles on lonely roads in various kinds of weather. They merely differ in preferred pleasures and sacrifices.



I do not judge the hedonists so long as they are willing to pay the price for their choices. It is when they steal, beg, defraud, or live on welfare that things go awry. This is when they indulge their pleasures while outsourcing their pain. We see in this that a person's vice is not in his or her indulgence but in their lack of fortitude. This is why some drunks are lovable rogues while others are complete pieces of shit who deserve a hasty death. No one should suffer the negative consequences of another person's choices.

The first step in making a friend of pain is to own the consequences of our choices and actions. They belong to us and no one else. This means not whining or seeking the pity of other people especially for things we have done to ourselves. If you have ruined your life with debauchery, that is too fucking bad. Suck it up and live with it.

The second step in making a friend of pain is to become indifferent to the suffering of others. This sounds cold and heartless, but it isn't. If you look at doctors, teachers, drill instructors, personal trainers, and others, these people all inflict pain for the sake of helping others. Compassion for others should be based on rational considerations, and this often means ignoring the short term suffering. The opposite of these angels of pain are the demons of pleasure that encourage people to indulge their appetites. These would be bartenders, drug dealers, fast food establishments, strippers, etc. We don't see these people as being good despite all the good times they provide.

The third step in making a friend of pain is to stop seeing pain as optional but essential. Many people are familiar with this choice. It is 5 a.m. Do you go outside in the cold to run? Or do you stay in the warm bed for another hour? For some reason, we don't have this dilemma with the job. People who can't make their workouts have little trouble making it to work. The reason is because work is not optional while workouts are. If given an option, we choose the less painful path. This is why those who exercise regularly do not see it as optional but essential.

The fourth step in making a friend of pain is to enjoy the suffering. This may sound odd and even insane. But you enjoy all sorts of pleasures now that you once considered unpleasant. For instance, smokers all started with that first cigarette where they coughed, hacked, felt that jangly nicotine buzz, and got sick. Yet, they hung in there and now find supreme pleasure in something that once caused them a great deal of suffering. That takes a certain amount of discipline. The same thing is true of drinking whiskey, eating sushi, having a cup of coffee, etc. I can also say that once you get the exercise habit that it is as pleasurable as anything else. The first experience is painful, but it turns pleasurable at some point.

The fifth step in making a friend of pain is to accept that pain is inescapable. You can take the pain of nicotine withdrawal, or you can take the pain of a lung transplant or voice box removal. When it comes to pain, your only true options are variety and timing. You get to choose which pain you prefer and when it happens. The pleasure zones we find ourselves in are momentary delusions where we can forget pain for a bit. But pain always comes back. This brings us to the sixth and final step of making a friend of pain.

The sixth step of making a friend of pain is to acknowledge that pain is sobering. Pain is reality. Pleasure has a weird way of dulling our minds and our senses. In fact, this seems to be pleasure's primary appeal. Pleasure is an escape from reality. Pain brings us back to reality. It wakes us up. It sharpens our minds. It makes us stronger. Pain does not lie. Pleasure lies, but pain is always honest and real. You can trust pain.

Pain is your friend. It is hard to see it sometimes, but pain serves your best interests. Pain preserves you. It makes you stronger. Pain reminds you that you are alive. Pain is real. Once you realize that pain is your friend, you can use that pain for your gain. If you run from pain, it will find you and hurt you. This is because there is no escape from reality. Reality cannot be escaped. But it can be conquered. Pain will help you in that conquest.

Posted in: