SATURDAY

1. I love how Obama supports the revolution for freedom in Iran while he undermines it here at home. I really despise this POTUS.

2. Dave is beating Conan in the ratings. No surprise there. Conan is the Katie Couric of late night.

3. Obama hates fags. I don't know this for certain, but he sure is dragging his heels on gays in the military and gay marriage. This reflects the larger reality that black people are surprisingly bigoted towards Jews, homosexuals, and Mexicans. They do seem fond of white people especially hot blonde females, but this is the exception instead of the rule. I suspect that Obama has more in common with Jeremiah Wright than he would have us believe.

4. When you finally become both rich and fit at the same time with no help from the lottery, you will find you have no time left over for doing anything else like raising a family or learning Mandarin.

5. I had a dream about Bob Dylan. I told him, "You are the greatest, dude!" His response? "I know."

6. The key to having low bodyfat is to stop eating.

7. A smartphone is a necessity because you look really uncool carrying around a dumbphone. Plus, you need to be in constant email contact with the office even while sleeping, shitting, and fornicating. They are working on a one hand model for masturbators.

8. The master race resides overwhelmingly in trailer parks and sips Pabst Blue Ribbon.

9. Men hunt, fish, and play golf in order to get away from their women.

10. A stupid bitch in a white Mercedes almost creamed me because she was yammering away on her cellphone instead of driving her car. I wish I had her cellphone number, so I could call her and tell her that she is a stupid bitch.

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