Sunday, February 24, 2008

Truth and Tact

I have become acutely aware that I disturb some people. I'm not sure why, and I have been prone to blame myself for this. But blaming myself for this would be like David Bowie blaming himself for my dad not liking his music.

There are some people out there who like me a lot. They are almost rabid in their devotion to me. At the same time, there are people out there who utterly hate my guts and would like to see me come to a bad end. Sometimes, these people are one and the same but caught at different times.

I cannot explain popularity anymore than to say that there is no accounting for taste. I can also say that it is impossible to have everyone like you. It can't be done. What can be done is to stop worrying about it. It matters more to be consistent than to be nice.

One of the things that people like about me is that I am honest. This honesty is also what makes people hate me as well especially ex-girlfriends. I have a habit of telling the truth, but most people cannot handle the truth. This description would definitely fit my ex-girlfriend who derided fundamentalists as shitheads but believed in just about every New Age thing that came along without question. She believed in being open minded but only when it came to others accepting her. She did not return the favor and was very intolerant of anything that questioned her worldview or her habits.

I have tried to be diplomatic, but diplomacy fails. The error is with them and not me. People rapidly get used to being able to tell me anything they like because I try and consider all viewpoints. The reason I do this is because I spent many years under a delusion that I called the "truth" only to discover later how misguided I was. It is also one of the reasons I like posting on the internet because it exposes me to other points of view and makes me consider them.

I have considered the Charlie is an Asshole Thesis, but it simply does not stand. I can call people bitches, sluts, cocksuckers or what have you all day and no one really gives a fuck except a few religious fuckheads. But the moment I say something true such as "I think you might have a drinking problem," I become an insufferable asshole. So be it.

What makes people fucked up in the head is not so much their refusal to accept truth and reality so much as the belief that they already have it. I know I don't have it. My worldview is a permanent work in progress. I can make strong arguments for my positions, but I am also reconsidering them in my own mind at the same time. I don't take it for granted anymore that what I believe is correct.

I am also appreciated after the fact. I can't count how many times people have come up to me to apologize later. I am vindicated time and time again. My enemies are the ones who come to ruin while I continue onward. This leads me to the big choice I face in my life.

Should I be truthful or tactful? Should I tell people what they want to hear or what they need to hear? Clearly, it is the latter. Being a flatterer nasueates me. Being a friend appeals to me.

I'm not going to spend the rest of my days worrying about people liking me. I have had too many people tell me they admire me for taking the stands I do and have told me to not worry about people who can't handle honesty. In the end, you can't please everybody.

On a sidenote, I have also come to realize that the fundamental reason for my recent breakup is because I was involved with a woman who refused to listen. I want to blame myself because I can fix myself. But I wasn't the problem. The truth is I never am. The women I date can't handle the truth. The moment I cut too deep is the moment they are out of there. This is why many women prefer flattering men who lie to them. And they suffer the consequences for this. It is the triumph of tact over truth.

I can't be the flatterer. If I see a naked emperor, I will call him or her out. On the flipside, I accumulate honest friends. I just wish I could find an honest girlfriend. The last one was like all the rest--a self-deluded liar.

0 comments:

Post a Comment