The Lesson

Christians assume that I am mad at God, and this explains my atheism. This simply isn't true. I honestly do not believe that God exists. I can't hate what does not exist.

There was a time when I was very angry at God. I hated him. I hated him because he let my roommate kill himself. We were both seminarians, and I discovered after his death that my roomie was a closeted homosexual. I remember this Bible verse from Isaiah 42:3 echoing in my brain:

A bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out.

My roommate was the smoldering wick. God had failed him. I would spend the next five years trying to understand that tragedy. I found that understanding in the Kershaw County Library while reading a National Geographic and looking at pelvic bones in whales. It struck me that evolution was a fact, and I had spent 30 years of my life believing a lie.

My roommate killed himself because he hated what he was. He hated something he could not change. And if I could go back in time, the saving knowledge I would give him would be that there was no God. Fuck Christ in his crucified ass.

I found peace with God when I found that there was no God. That was the lesson I learned. It was tough to accept and embrace that truth. It meant accepting that there was no afterlife. There was no one up there watching out for me. I was alone in an indifferent universe. But I had the courage to accept those things, and I am better for it.

(SORRY! The rest of this post has been deleted. Greta and I have settled our differences and apologized to one another. I wish her nothing but the best in her life. All is forgiven.)

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