Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The Choice Between Good and Evil

I am struggling today. Choosing the path of magnanimity has its own pitfalls I have found. The simple fact is that no matter what you do somebody is going to get pissed off about it. They are going to say bad things about you and try to guilt trip you and all the rest. There's not much you can do about it.

I do not believe in altruism. I will not sacrifice for the sake of someone else's agenda or what have you. I have done this in the past, and it has only resulted in misery for myself. OTOH, I am not a narcissist expecting others to sacrifice for me.

I get angry over this and end up embracing the scoundrel label. I honestly don't give a fuck what people think of me. They will think what they will which is why I can be so candid on this blog.

I refuse to go around hurting people, but I find it impossible not to be an asshole to be people. They always try to use guilt or altruistic mirality to make me do things I am under no obligation to do. Now, my wise friend is in the same pickle I have found myself in so many times.

I am at a crossroads in my thinking. I hate to call it a choice between good and evil when it isn't. It is really the choice between being a saint or a scoundrel.

I am not a saint. I don't want that role. I don't want to be a martyr or a victim. I think the people who know me would agree that I am a good guy but with a low tolerance for bullshit. I will refrain from revenge, but I think I would be a fool to turn the other cheek again as I did this past weekend.

All of this is a question of prudence. What should I do?

I know I will never reconcile with my mother. I already regret reconciling with my father. I wish I had never listened to Greta on that.

I have so much stuff to settle in my mind. The problem with the choice between good and evil is knowing what is good and evil. I honestly don't know anymore. Some things are clear--don't steal or murder. Other things are murky. Should I forgive? Should I be nice to people who are utter fools? Hard hard stuff for me today.

0 comments:

Post a Comment