Skywalker, Solo, and Vader

I have a taxonomy of women called the Three Categories. Naturally, women ask me if I have a similar taxonomy for men. I lie and tell them that I don't. The reality is that I do and have had it for a long time. I categorize men in three categories--Skywalker, Solo, and Vader.

SKYWALKER



A Skywalker is a nice guy. He is a boy scout. He goes to church. He honors his parents, and he is respectful of women. A Skywalker is a good guy, and he has a squeaky clean image to go with it. This is the type of guy every mom and dad would want their daughters to be with.

SOLO




A Han Solo type is not a nice guy. He is a rogue. He is selfish. He loves to fuck. He suffers from a bad reputation. But like Han Solo, there is some core of decency in the guy. He is loyal to his friends, and he does not exploit the weak. But he watches his back. This is the type of guy every woman wants to be with, but every parent frowns upon.

VADER



A Vader is a man of pure evil. These are your womanbeaters and serial philanderers and violent drunks or what have you. These men were born without a conscience or perhaps became that way over time. They exploit the weak and hurt them and brag about it. This is the man that many daughters end up with and become the fodder for all those dramas on Lifetime.

Who is the best of the three? I will put my money on Han Solo everytime. Skywalker was a pussy even when he dressed all in black in Return of the Jedi and kicked his daddy's ass. Vader went from a whiny ass punk to a monster to a pathetic man who turned good only at the last minute. In real life, Vaders stay Vaders.

A Han Solo is at heart a good guy. But numerous scrapes and screwovers turn him into someone wary. He has had the innocence beat the fuck out of him. But he stills holds to something in spite of it all. As much as he wants to give up on humanity, it is usually his friends that bail him out of a jam. That is because he may be a rogue. But you have to like the guy.

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