Pride

I am compelled to write this because I think someone needs this very much.

I am proud of who I am. I do what I do for me. I am good to other people not for their sake but for my sake. I like who I am.

I don't ever say that to anyone because it seems arrogant. But what is the alternative? I should hate myself?

I used to hate myself. When I did, I didn't care what I did to other people because I was a piece of shit anyway. People are amazed at how self-deprecating I am and will say that I hate myself. But I don't hate myself. It is because I accept myself that I can make fun of myself.

It takes pride to be the butt of your own joke. It also takes pride to post your life on the internet or be as candid as I am about myself. I accept myself for what I am and that includes my flaws.

It is also because of pride that I do not cheat on my girlfriends or abuse them or steal from my employer or what have you. I care about those people, but I also care very much about myself. I don't ever want to do anything to cause me to not like myself.

Shrinks call this self-esteem. But that shit always seemed hokey to me. It is pride, dammit. Yes, I lampoon myself. I also have my own logo and act like a flamboyant rock star. And as ugly as I am, I like to smile at myself in the mirror. I make ugly look good.

I live everyday liking who I am. I stopped hating myself a long time ago. Self-hatred is bad. The opposite extreme is narcissism. That is when pride becomes excessive to the point of turning oneself into a monster. Both self-haters and narcissists are consumed with themselves and are often quite indifferent to others. Oddly, those with the proper pride care for both themselves and others.

All of this is part of what Aristotle called magnanimity. In some ways, I am still learning what that means. But I do know it means not hating yourself or loving yourself to the detriment of others.

As I said, someone I know needs this very much. I hope she stops hating herself because I don't hate her.

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