Learning to Be Alone

There are two cures for loneliness. The first cure is to go out and find some people to be with. This helps a bit, but it doesn't change the fact that you live alone. You can get a girlfriend, and try to change this reality. But she is simply going to use you or fuck you over. The simple fact is that when I am dating someone I usually end up worse off than before.

The second cure for loneliness is to immerse yourself in work and projects and forget about finding someone. It doesn't really cure anything much like eating rice cakes won't stop you from being hungry. But it is better for you even if you don't feel better.

I am alone, and it is a permanent condition that I am going to accept. I'm not going to fight this anymore. My wise friend says I am better off. It is easy for him to say. He has a wife and a kid. I don't even own a pet.

It is hard to live like this. But I have to choose between loneliness and betrayal. It's like choosing between the electric chair or lethal injection. In the end, you go with lethal injection because it will hurt less.

Everyone focuses on winning. They become so wrapped up in winning that they don't see the losses piling up. They don't realize that the easiest way to win is to stop losing. Take what is your left of your stake, put it in your pocket, and walk away from the table. Just stop losing.

Over the past two years, I have been involved with three different women. I am worse off today as a result of this. I have nothing to show for my time or efforts. I am not happy, and the only satisfaction I have gained is the knowledge that I am not losing anything by being alone. Dodging a bullet is not the same as missing something. There are some things you are better off missing.

Alone is better even if it doesn't feel all that great. I am all I have.

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