The C-Man Responds to Jon Stewart's 19 Tough Questions for Libertarians

Jon Stewart tossed out these questions/arguments on the Daily Show. Naturally, libertarians are responding with various answers to these questions that are serious and informed and educated. I'm not interested in repeating those answers, so I will answer them with maximum smartassery. I think Stewart would appreciate that.

1. Is government the antithesis of liberty?

Is Bizarro the antithesis of Superman?



2. One of the things that enhances freedoms are roads. Infrastructure enhances freedom. A social safety net enhances freedom.

And a certain brand of condom is ribbed for her pleasure. This begs the question. Can government be the political equivalent of the French tickler?



3. What should we do with the losers that are picked by the free market?

Would you be referring to that fine but prematurely cancelled show known as Cop Rock? Well, we should tax the winners and subsidize this unfortunate show to keep it on the air. The only problem is whether we should tax Glee or Law and Order: SVU.



4. Do we live in a society or don't we? Are we a collective? Everybody's success is predicated on the hard work of all of us; nobody gets there on their own. Why should it be that the people who lose are hung out to dry? For a group that doesn't believe in evolution, it's awfully Darwinian.

I believe in evolution, but I can't explain the success of Snooki. There are better looking and more deserving sluts out there. Life is unfair.



5. In a representative democracy, we are the government. We have work to do, and we have a business to run, and we have children to raise. We elect you as our representatives to look after our interests within a democratic system.

And this is what you get:



6. Is government inherently evil?

Of course not.



7. Sometimes to protect the greater liberty you have to do things like form an army, or gather a group together to build a wall or levy.

Or intern some Japanese in concentration camps. People have to make sacrifices for the greater good.



8. As soon as you've built an army, you've now said government isn't always inherently evil because we need it to help us sometimes, so now.. it's that old joke: Would you sleep with me for a million dollars? How about a dollar? -Who do you think I am?- We already decided who you are, now we're just negotiating.

The problem is that million dollars turns out to be an out of state postdated check. If you must sell out, you should at least get paid.

9. You say: government which governs least governments best. But that's what the Articles of Confederation were. We tried that for 8 years, it didn't work, and went to the Constitution.

Yes, those Articles of Confederation did not grant sodomy powers to the federal government. You can't use that French tickler if you don't have a penis.



10. You give money to the IRS because you think they're gonna hire a bunch of people, that if your house catches on fire, will come there with water.

Actually, I give money to the IRS, so the cops don't come to my house with guns and handcuffs.

11. Why is it that libertarians trust a corporation, in certain matters, more than they trust representatives that are accountable to voters? The idea that I would give up my liberty to an insurance company, as opposed to my representative, seems insane.

I can cancel Netflix when they fuck me, and they GO AWAY. That trick doesn't seem to work with the IRS.



12. Why is it that with competition, we have such difficulty with our health care system? ..and there are choices within the educational system.

People choose crap over quality if it is free or if they are already paying for it. This is why I still listen to NPR instead of Sirius XM.

13. Would you go back to 1890?

Hell, I wouldn't go back to 1990. No iPads.

14. If we didn't have government, we'd all be in hovercrafts, and nobody would have cancer, and broccoli would be ice-cream?

Of course not. People would be too stoned from all the legal weed to do any fucking work on those projects.



15. Unregulated markets have been tried. The 1880’s and the 1890’s were the robber baron age. These regulations didn't come out of an interest in restricting liberty. What they did is came out of an interest in helping those that had been victimized by a system that they couldn't fight back against.

Not like the 1980's and 1990's when everything was perfect because of government regulation, trust busting, etc.



16. Why do you think workers that worked in the mines unionized?

Because they wanted more money for doing less work. Duh.



17. Without the government there are no labor unions, because they would be smashed by Pinkerton agencies or people hired, or even sometimes the government.

Those poor union people. It's not like they break kneecaps, vandalize property, threaten people, and collude with organized crime, or even sometimes the government.



18. Would the free market have desegregated restaurants in the South, or would the free market have done away with miscegenation, if it had been allowed to? Would Martin Luther King have been less effective than the free market? Those laws sprung up out of a majority sense of, in that time, that blacks should not. The free market there would not have supported integrated lunch counters.

I don't recall MLK ever holding elected office or passing legislation or being appointed to a cabinet position. I see him as the country's biggest disgruntled customer.

19. Government is necessary but must be held accountable for its decisions.

Good luck with that.



More serious answers:

1. Libertarian News Responds: Jon Stewart’s 19 Questions To Libertarians

2. Stefan Molyneux:



3. Benjamin Richards

Posted in: