[SOC]

I am thinking about taking Udo's Oil. Between fish oil, flaxseed oil, and all the rest, I keep reading and hearing about the beneficial effects of Omega-6 fatty acids. Udo's seems like the best of the bunch, so I will give that shit a try.

Amy Winehouse is dead. I saw that coming. I thought she was a great singer but a troubled soul. She definitely liked drugs, and I often wonder why some people can use drugs recreationally while others like Winehouse go to such self-destructive ends. I think it is because they hurt inside, and being fucked up out of your gourd makes that pain recede for awhile. Kurt Cobain was like this. Creativity is a way to address and deal with the pain. But drugs work way better. Being rich and famous does nothing to deal with that pain.

What these people have is what I call the Hurt. I have the Hurt. When I stop working for a bit, it stabs into me. The Hurt is not depression. It is the accumulation of the wounds that the people you love have laid on you in your life. It can lead to depression, but it is a symptom and not the cause.

It would be easy to lay the blame for the Hurt on the people that inflicted it, but it gets stupid after a bit. Sometimes, the Hurt is nothing more than a child blaming himself for a parent's divorce. The fact is that the Hurt is often the product of unintentional actions. The Hurt is collateral damage.

I find that entertainers, artists, musicians, and the like are the ones most susceptible to the Hurt. Their performances and crafts are pursued in a vain attempt to garner the love of someone--anyone. But as Kurt Cobain showed, you can be one of the most famous people on the planet and also be the loneliest. Being famous, rich, and revered is no substitute for the love these people seek.

Another substitute people pursue is depraved sexual lifestyles. Most porn stars, strippers, and prostitutes have the Hurt. For others, it is simply a matter of being a harlot. I have talked to some of these people, and they all seem to have a history of sexual abuse at a young age in their background.

I am no psychologist, so I don't understand all this shit. I just know that the Hurt makes people destroy themselves. I deal with my hurt with frequent binges of work, writing, reading, and Facebook. I don't have an answer to the Hurt. I just know that it disappears when you are able to forget. For some, forgetting is found in a pill bottle or a liquor bottle. For others, it is being in one or more sexual relationships. For me, it is in the world of work and ideas and activity.

If you live long enough, the Hurt fades away. I think this is why older people are happier than younger people. But this is a general rule. Hemingway seemed as miserable in his old age as he did in his youth.

I think the answer to the Hurt may lie in acknowledgment of the fact that the people who we want to love us just don't have that capability. The world is full of fucked up people, and you have to accept this reality. I can't do the Oprah Winfrey horseshit and tell someone they need to try and reconcile with their alcoholic father that beat them when he was both drunk and sober. This tries and covers over the simple fact that people like this are human garbage. This is "forgiveness." But you don't forgive a rabid animal. Likewise, you don't forgive depraved and fucked up people. You just get them out of your life and move on.

You have to get to a place where you don't care anymore what people think about you, care about you, say about you, or whatever. You have to turn your back on the people that hurt you. Shun them, and remove them from the picture. You must forget those people. You can't change them. You can't forgive them. So, you must forget them. This forgetting can either be a negative such as Cobain and Winehouse. Or, it can be a positive. You can choose to live, produce, and be somebody. This is what I choose. No amount of navel gazing will ever change the reality of what has happened to you. It won't make it better. What makes things better is to focus outward and upward. If you do this long enough and with consistency, that emotional baggage will disappear.

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