More on the Inner Peace Thing

For regular readers of the C-blog, you know that my New Year's Resolution was to find some inner peace. I don't know if I have made any progress on that front. I have given it some further thought.

My inner turmoil springs from my relations with other people. Aristotle breaks friendships into three categories:

1. Friends of utility

These are people you work with or the lady at the checkout you converse with. These are friendships of the marketplace, and they exist to the extent that an exchange takes place.

2. Friends of pleasure

These are people you like to be with usually because you share some passion. This could be the people you play poker with or just drink beer and watch football. This also includes romantic partners.

3. Friends of virtue

These are true and rare friends. These are people you are friends with simply because of who they are. This is often the friendship that occurs when men are in battle. I think Butch and Sundance had a friendship like this. Of course, these friendships can end usually when one of the two quits being virtuous. Such betrayals are the stuff of great literature and movies. Think Anakin and Obi-wan.

For me, I have plenty of the first and second types of friendships. I have virtually none of the third. This is OK since Aristotle says that great people don't necessarily need these friends to be happy.

It is my belief that romantic relationships that endure are actually of the third type. Most are the second type enduring until it is no longer pleasurable. Prior to this, marriage was a relationship of utility for much of history.

Much of my problems with women come down to money. They don't have it, and I do. I am not rich, but that doesn't matter. Even if I was, it would only postpone the collapse. Most women want a man to provide for them. I know this will lead to her exhausting the financial resources and the end of the relationship. Of the ones who had it together financially that I have dated, they liked to travel a lot and fuck other men. Bankruptcy or cuckoldry--take your pick.

When people say that men are healthier in relationships, I don't see how this is possible. I suspect that the reason single men fare so poorly in the findings is because women know better to steer clear of them. These are poor men to form relationships with usually because they drink and can't hold down steady employment.

Some will make the claim that a woman will hold her man in line and take care of him. This is like the rancher that tends his herd, so they can be slaughtered and butchered later. I know this because the findings that show increased longevity for men show no difference between married and single women. In fact, married women do slightly worse. I know the reason for this. Men are the great enablers. It is a shame and a disgrace for a man to be unemployed. For a woman, no such stigma exists. A job is something you do until a man comes along.

There are independent women who reject this housewife role. But they also reject things like monogamy. Think Sex and the City. These women aren't relationship material. They are fuck buddy material.

My opinions on love are already well known in the now classic "Love is Bullshit." It is all just a bunch of shit. But it doesn't stop there. It really extends to everyone.

I don't think people are inherently evil. But I think I can make the case that they are inherently stupid. Our fucked up government comes from the majority opinion of a fucked up population. My turmoil comes from the simple fact that I can never have any sort of meaningful relationship with anyone because they are just too damn stupid to be with. Even on the internet where I am able to interact with an extremely wide population of people who might be smart, I find most of them are pretty dumb. The ones who are intelligent tend to be hyperspecialists in one field and fake it in all the others. But that's OK. These are friends of pleasure, so we can have meaningful interactions to a limited extent.

My inner turmoil is the acknowledgement that ultimately I am alone. This would hit me when my now ex-girlfriend would just ignore me in a conversation. After almost three years, I realize that she never listened to anything I said or had to say. The readers of my blog know more about me than she does. My last conversation ended with the realization and my anger over the fact that she never gave a fuck about me as a person. I care more about others than they care for me. This is because their lives revolve around the most mundane shit--taking a smoke, getting laid, catching WWE Raw. My role is to help them pay for this shit because they are too goddamn sorry to pay for their own shit.

When I am single especially for a long time, I don't feel lonely. I don't feel depressed. My inner being feels light as air. My sense of humor gets sharper. I become better as a person. This is because I don't have all this human shit weighing me down. I know in another week or two this is how I will feel all the time. This is because I am already starting to feel that way now. I just need to cleanse my mind of the crap that is in there.

Women love a dark and mysterious man. They think there is so much going on in his head. They don't realize that in his head he is thinking, "I just want to fuck this stupid bitch and get rid of her sorry ass. What a worthless cunt." But since he can't say this and also expect to get laid, he says nothing. This reticence makes him irresistible to the women he utterly despises.

Women will take me to task for this blunt honesty, but they are not privy to what I know. So, take notes, ladies. Men tell me exactly what they think of you, and it is not nice. Of course, women are no different dishing to each other on who has a big bank account and a big or small dick. But in the end, women still give some amount of respect that Ian Fleming called the "quantum of solace." For men, women are cum dumpsters. These are the exact words they use.

I'm stupid because I try to find some humanity in the women I date. I want some connection. But this is an illusion on my part. It just isn't there. I know how married men feel after a decade or more. I am already there. They don't give a fuck. The only difference is that I am free, and they are not. None of them tells me marriage is worth it. NONE OF THEM. The happy ones tell me it isn't as bad as they thought it would be. Not exactly a ringing endorsement.

I think a semi-monastic existence is what is best for me. I need some time alone. I want to go out to the woods or the park and just sit for awhile. I used to be able to do that. The problem is that when I am alone now all the thoughts are painful and sad and every one of them has a person's name on it. I think if I could just find a human connection then it will make all that other shit go away. It won't. I need human disconnection. I just need to force myself to be alone without distraction and work through all of it. I think this will help me to let it go.

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