Beverage of Choice

A few years ago, I made two decisions. The first decision was to stop drinking. This was not the result of a drinking problem as much as I never wanted to have a drinking problem. The easiest way to accomplish this was not to drink. The second decision was to never preach to others about their drinking. The result is that I have been dry for at least four years now, and I haven't written much on the topic at all. But, lately, my anger over the issue has been stoked, and I feel compelled to write about the topic.

I despise Alcoholics Anonymous. I don't think alcoholism is a disease. Drinking can be a bad habit, but it is not a disease. A person can get typhoid fever or cancer against their will. No one is an alcoholic against their will. No one holds the mouth of the drunk open and pours the hooch down his throat. As such, the disease metaphor does not fit. Yet, why does AA push this metaphor? Because it lets you off the hook for your behavior. You're not an asshole who likes to drink. You just have a disease.

This brings us to the Jekyll and Hyde metaphor. While sober, the alcoholic is a nice person. While drunk, they become the mean person who is destructive and not nice at all. This is simply bullshit. I've known alcoholics, and I can tell you that every damn one of them was as much an asshole sober as they were drunk. One of my ex-girlfriends was an AA fool, and she never touched a drop of alcohol the entire time I dated her. But she was one total bitch, and she admitted it. There is no Jekyll and Hyde. There is simply drunk Hyde and sober Hyde. Jekyll left a long time ago.

I am not an alcoholic, and I never have been. I have never had this "disease." I simply had a habit I liked for awhile, and I changed that habit. Basically, I enjoyed beer and whiskey for a time. Now, I enjoy lots of coffee brewed especially strong. I chose one beverage. Then, I chose another.

I don't consider myself an asshole though I get called one every so often. Even when I would get blitzed on beer, I was still a nice guy. I never got in a fight or destroyed my car or perpetrated drunken date rape on some helpless female. I simply acted silly much as I do when I am sober. The fact is that caffeine seems to bring this side of me out more than alcohol ever did. I torment my co-workers daily with my caffeinated buzz.

But I made a mistake recently. I told someone about my past with drinking. I usually share these tales because I become concerned that people who choose to drink will think that I am judging them for their choice to drink because I am someone who does not drink. The fact is that I don't care as long as you don't get behind the wheel of a car. But the impact was not what I thought it would be. This person began to judge me for this past habit. Nevermind that I don't drink now. Suddenly, I was a potential alcoholic. This is the "disease" metaphor I was referring to before that I fucking can't stand. I went from being a teetotaller trying to be cool to being a potential Mr. Hyde ready to burst out and fuck shit up all without drinking a single drop of alcohol. This is fucking stupid. I became a ticking time bomb ready for that one drink to set me off on oblivion. Nevermind that I was not like that when I used to drink, and I am certainly not like that now that I don't drink.

It is my belief that this person has had an extensive past with alcoholics. She strikes me as the enabler type who would do anything in the world to try and help these stupid drunks but gets slammed hard for her troubles. I have family members who exhibit the same thinking and behavior. The belief is that if the drunk can be sober they will be normal and well adjusted people. But people don't become fucked up because of excessive drinking. They drink excessively because they are fucked up. They are shitty human beings in the core of their being. They don't care who they hurt. Trust me, I have known quite a few alcoholics and all of them had a supreme don't-give-a-fuck attitude when it came to other people. This was sober not drunk.

I don't think drinking makes you a bad person. On the flip side, I don't think being a teetotaller makes you a good person. This is why I don't care to preach about the evils of demon rum. Why do I choose not to drink? It is simply my preference. I like being in control of my faculties. I like living in the real world with all my senses working. I like thinking clearly. My favorite part of the day is when the java hits me, and the fog of sleep lifts like a veil. I can attest that I have been unable to write only to crank out an epic a few cups later. I have tried the Hemingway writing while drunk thing, and it utterly sucked. The fact is that Hemingway's best writing came from those French cafes while his worst writing came from that pickled brain of his later years as the alcohol took its toll.

Caffeine is the fuel of robust living, and I don't really care to go back to PBR or Jim Beam. But alcohol does have its useful purposes. It relaxes you and eases the stress you may feel. It liberates you socially. It is good for the circulation. In moderation, a beer or cocktail is a wonderful thing. But I am one of those crazy idiots that drinks coffee in the evenings and does all night writing binges. To be honest, coffee gives me the license to be nuttier than I ever was when I used to party and hang with my drinking friends.

I still go to bars, but the usual is Diet Coke with a splash of Diet Coke. A Red Bull is also nice. No one seems to notice or care that I am not shitfaced like they are. But I do get the assumption from others that I am some sort of recovering alcoholic who is on the wagon. There is that AA bullshit again.

I am past the point of caring on this shit. I just find it ironic that I get judged by people holding a beer in their hand while I have a espresso in my own. But maybe it is my own fault for putting up with this ignorance. My choices are mine, and this is how I choose to live. I don't drink, and I don't judge those who do. Those who don't like this can fuck off.

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