I don't have any friends. Actually, this isn't true. I have over 3000+ friends on Facebook, friends at work, friends from a previous job, and all sorts of others I need to reconnect with as soon as I find the time to do so. And I do have true friends, thank you very much. I am as socially out there as you can get.
What I don't have is a family. I live alone. I just broke up with my girlfriend and her four kids. Basically, she wants me to provide housing to them as they squander my finances and destroy my property. My brother and I just had the last argument we are ever going to have. It is the same one where I tell him something true, and he calls me a deluded fucknut because that particular truth does not square with a decision or viewpoint he has already acquired. My role is to tell him how brilliant he is.
I have a large social circle because I depend on my friends for the most valuable thing they can give me--their unvarnished opinions. And I strive to give them the most honest and accurate information that I can. People have a tendency to gild the lily when they talk about themselves. I overcompensate for this by painting the best picture of others and painting the worst for myself. I always ask the same question of myself--Is there something wrong with me? As someone who has been wrong in the past, I find this to be an important question to ask.
This is a quote from the email my brother sent me:
I get frustrated sometimes when I try to explain something to someone and they aren't understanding what I am trying to say. The fault lies with me in that I need to learn a better way to phrase my questions and sometimes, I snap when I can't get people to understand my questions or my statements. In the scant 15 minutes, though, it appears that you hung up on me (or Skype shitted on me), you de-friended me on Facebook, and pretty much cut me off. I think that is a bit extreme, but I can't change your mind or your methods of dealing with friends and family. I just hope you would re-consider cutting someone off for such a simple argument. People get in arguments all the time, but it does not mean that you should cut them off.
Now, I understood what my brother was saying. What he did not understand was that he was wrong. I've already put his situation to my peer review process, and I don't even have to say my side. They immediately start laughing as soon as I state the facts. Some things are just that obvious. My brother has his typical meltdown and starts screaming and cussing at me. My advice to him? Diversify your investments across different classes of assets. (I know. I'm totally nuts with that shit.)
People like to be told what they want to hear. My brother is no different in this. I am particularly special in that I want to be told something contrary. I want people to tell me that I am wrong. I want to be challenged. One of my bestest buddies in the world plays a constant devil's advocate to me, and he can be damn irritating. But I keep his friendship. He is the pin to any ego bubbles I might have. Similarly, the bulk of my Facebook friends are people of various different political leanings. Then, there is the C-blog here with my virtual open door policy on commenting. As long as it isn't spam, it stays. And, yes, I have felt the sting on a few occasions. But that is the point.
Families exist in a moral/informational bubble. Reality and common sense are not allowed to intrude. Family is essentially a conspiracy. As one lady put it to me ever so bluntly, "Family will fuck you worse than a stranger." That is so true. You will see this element running in families, government, crime syndicates, and organizations. They value secrecy and loyalty over morality and common sense. Needless to say, I don't do conspiracies. The result is that I am always an outsider.
The rift I had with Godless Columbia (now, Freethought Society of the Midlands) followed this similar pattern. The organization opted to become private instead of public (secrecy!) I opposed this. Then, they opted to change the name to appeal to people who weren't atheists. At that point, I had to leave. The group became the appeasement of one person's ego over openness, honesty, transparency, and commitment to purpose. It became a conspiracy.
To conspire means to act together in secret. A conspiracy can be benign like the Freemasons, or it can be illegal like Watergate. I'm not against people wanting to keep secrets. I even keep secrets for others. But there is a limit to that sort of thing. For instance, I oppose the drug war, but I will not hesitate to rat out a dirty cop like the sheriff of Lee County who was also a drug lord. I don't care so much that someone like Willie Nelson likes to toke up.
The thing that worries me is this. Am I antisocial? Am I a loner? Am I an isolated nutcase on the road to becoming like the Unabomber living in the woods and doing really antisocial shit? Or am I someone who merely stops having relationships with people who treat me badly? I think I am firmly in the latter category even if the people I choose not to associate with anymore try to put me in the former. Basically, I'm a loner because I don't want to be a member of their club.
I can be associated with whomever I choose, and if people hurt me or use me, I am done with them. The relationship is over. Period. I just don't give a fuck anymore. I'm not so desperate for people's company that I am going to let them shit all over me. It is the narcissist-altruist thing all over again.
All my social relationships end on the same point. I don't do anything to harm others. They simply want me to give them something they want, and when I don't give it to them, they turn on me. I have encountered this over and over again. I give. They take. When I stop giving, they treat me badly. Relationship ends. I am merely the means to an end.
All of this is a consequence of my libertarian/individualist/silver rule way of doing things. My now ex-girlfriend called me selfish for enjoying things I bought with my own money. Basically, I am supposed to share whatever I earn. Of course, I never applied the same rule to her. The result is that she gets to spend her money and my money, too. Neat trick, eh? Well, that parasite is now gone. Sayonara, babe. You are done. My peer review process backs me up on this as soon as I say "four kids." I'm glad they aren't mine.
I am firmly on the path of self-reliance. I fall into these traps because I feel that I need people in my life. I need people to be there to catch me if I fall, to give me a ride to the airport, or to call 911 when I have my coronary event. But you want to know the truth? You are better off paying for a cab, membership to AAA, and getting one of those medic alert things. (I've fallen, and I can't get my pants back on!) And, yes, paying a prostitute is cheaper than a girlfriend.
So, am I the Unabomber? Nope. I know who I am exactly. I am Dr. House.
The guy surrounds himself with a peer group to challenge him. He does what he thinks is right. I would draw the line at kidnapping and breaking and entering. Otherwise, I am just like House. And House is a good guy. People can call him an asshole all day, but assholes are just people who tell the truth. There is a social cost to that, but it is worth paying. I don't want people to lie to me even if the lie might make me feel good. The blows of a friend are better than the kisses of an enemy.
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