How To Increase Blog Traffic and Make Killer Money

Anyone who blogs wants a lot of readers because readers click ads which puts money in your bank account. The only problem is that no one reads your fucking piece of shit blog. Here are some clever ways to build blogger traffic:

1. Stalk a celebrity and get a nude photo or sex on film.

It helps if you get a nude photo of a celebrity we haven't seen naked before. It also helps if we want to see them naked. Nobody wants nude photos of Rosie O'Donnell.

2. Become a heinous serial killer and then get caught.

Journalists get 90% of their info from Google, so they are sure to find your blog in their search for clues and info as to why you are such a fucked up psycho piece of shit. When they read that you never got over not getting a new bike for your tenth birthday, they will reference your blog and expose your parents to shame and ridicule for not buying you that goddamn bike. Think of all the lives they could have saved! But either way, your blog will become an instant hit as they follow the links from all those news articles.

3. Post porn.

If you can't get a nude celebrity pic, a regular nude pic will do the same trick. The simple fact is the internet never took off as a medium until Netscape allowed people to download pornography. The ugly truth is that the internet is a direct porn pipeline into your household. Google became number one because of Google image search. AOL reigned for all those years because of sexually charged chat rooms. Now, it has been replaced by MySpace and Facebook which are nothing more than hook up sites for people to find one another and fuck. Craigslist would be nowhere without those ads for prostitution. . .er, I mean "adult services." The bottom line is that if you want to tap into the heartbeat of the internet this means tapping into sex and porn.

4. Write killer articles on winning at blackjack, roulette, slots, sports betting, and the lottery.

Next to porn, gambling is the most popular other activity on the internet. It comes a distant second. Booze and drugs would beat it, but those substances have to be delivered the old fashioned way through bottles and drug dealers. The innovator who puts a direct beer tap into every home centrally supplied from a brewery through plumbing in the same way we get tap water will become the richest man who ever lived. Until then, gambling is number two, and you can never go broke catering to people's vices unless you are the government. They still have to resort to stealing in addition to the lottery.

5. Write about personal development.

Despite all the vice on the internet, there is a lot of guilt as well. People want two things out of life. They want to be rich, and they want to be thin. You can become really popular by writing the same advice over and over again which is to cut up your credit cards and stop eating fast food. The trick is to make it seem like the EZ way to these things because people want to be rich and thin. They just don't want to be disciplined. You can also throw in some shit on time management and quitting smoking for some variety.

6. Write an article called "How To Increase Blog Traffic and Make Killer Money."

When all else fails in your attempts to outdraw the +1 million bloggers on the internet, you can always rely on getting other bloggers to read your pathetic blog on how they can get other people to read their pathetic blogs. It is a bit incestuous, but as one inbred redneck put it, "Let's keep it in the family." If you came to this article in hopes of some real advice that would help you, I am afraid you got fucked on the deal. But I hope I made you laugh. But if I didn't, I can always give back your money, but you will never get back the time you wasted reading this shit.

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