Edit Your Relationships

I get a lot of questions and flak for being estranged from my family or no longer speaking to friends I used to have. The impression this makes is that I am some sort of cold hearted bastard that will just drop people on the slightest whim. Yet, the people who actually remain in my life don't think that way of me whatsoever. Why are things like this?

I edit my relationships. That is all there is to it. There are people who belong in my life, and there are people who don't. My determination over who stays and who goes is elementary. If you hurt me, you are gone. It is a simple rule, but people are never simple.

I didn't always edit my relationships. This is how you end up homeless living out of your car. This is how you get that car stolen. This is how you wind up with mystery charges on your credit cards for cigarettes and beer. This is how you end up on a highway in the middle of the night being told to fuck off because you won't lend money to be lended again to some other guy with a fresh DUI charge who doesn't want his car impounded. This is how you get a bogus arrest warrant against you because you had to kick out the stray living in your apartment that you saved from the streets but turned your place into her hook up space. I can go on and on with these tales.

I have a friend of mine who tells me that I brought a lot of this on myself, and he is right. I did. I gave out kindness, generosity, and friendship like a cow gives milk. I did not discriminate. The result of this policy is that you become bait for narcissists and users who will stop at nothing until they have exhausted your goodness. Then, they toss you like garbage.



I discriminate now. People who hurt me are gone. People who could potentially hurt me are also gone. This is why I choose not to be friends with moochers, drug addicts, users, and the like. I'll add anyone on Facebook, but I have high standards for those I let into my fleshspace. Anyone who has hurt me or has a high likelihood of hurting me is eliminated from my life. Naturally, this makes me some sort of bastard. I don't really care.

The reason we tolerate shit from others is because we don't think we have options. But we do. There are good people out there who aren't like the human garbage. These people are the ones who make your life better. They make you feel better about yourself. But this is little comfort to those who face the real prospect of being alone. So, I go the next step. You are better off alone than having these destructive people in your life. If you want peace in your life, you need to get used to your own company.

The antithesis of my discrimination policy is the doormat policy. This is the philosophy of people like Hillary Clinton who always forgive their cheating spouses no matter how much they cheat. This is the philosophy of my enabling aunt who did no favors for her drug addicted son by always bailing him out of his scrapes. I am someone who lived the doormat philosophy, so I know exactly what that gets you. You end up with what you put up with.

I don't hurt people. People who claim that I hurt them get the favor of me not being in their lives anymore. Basically, I pull the trigger on myself because I don't want to be like the people who have used me and hurt me. So, I stop being in relationship with them, but they have an annoying habit of wanting me to call them back. I know I am blameless, but those people would rather play a game of guilt to get something out of me. For a bastard, a whole lot of people want to be my friend.

The alternative to being like this is to become a complete jerk and a dickhead with the strategy of always getting the best of any raw deal. Relationships are not built on mutual love and trust but on mutual advantage and common ends. This is the sort of relationship that Eli Wallach had with Clint Eastwood in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. You have common aims, so you make an alliance. This may be advantageous, but it is hardly a good cornerstone for friendship or a marriage.



I don't see the people in my life as a means to my end. They are ends in themselves. Because I am a happy person, I overflow, and I have no qualms about helping in the happiness of others. I promote the projects of those people I love, and I celebrate the good things I see in them. But if there is no good in you, I am not going to waste my time. I care less about what you do for me than about who you are as a person. In that respect, I am exceedingly generous. I give to those who share my values and sense of life. I give nothing to parasites.

I am selective about who I let into my life. I only want good people in my life. If you're not good, go and become good. The problem is not with me. The problem is with you. This is not my fault. I am also under no responsibility to fix you, aid you, or do anything for you. This is something you need to tend to in your life. And if you want to be friends with me, follow one simple rule. Don't hurt other people. Don't hurt me. It will surprise you how such a simple rule is so difficult for so many people.

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