WEDNESDAY

1. Rumor has it that Sandra Bullock and Jesse James are having marital problems because the former husband to a porn star is alleged to have had an extramarital affair. I am shocked. SHOCKED!

2. Who marries a porn star?

3. Any congressman who votes for ObamaCare is telling you that he doesn't need to be a congressman anymore. Remember this come November.

4. Seriously, who marries a porn star? That is like buying a rental car that everybody else gets to drive, but you get to pay for the oil changes.

5. Who marries a man who would marry a porn star? What the fuck was she thinking?!

6. Windows Phone 7 looks sharp, but what happens when there is no keyboard to press CTRL+ALT+DEL?

7. Bill Gates's first sexual experience was dry humping his book bag in middle school.

8. They have discovered a new exoplanet like ours except for one key difference. Their iPhones have removable batteries.

9. Fox is talking to Conan. They are making plans to bury his new show on the Fox Business Channel.

10. Blockbuster is preparing to file for bankruptcy. Where did things go wrong? Two words--LATE FEES.


BONUS!

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."

Happy St. Pat's Day!

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