TUESDAY

1. Obama still has to sell the bill he already got passed. That is a first. He rams this thing straight up our collective ass, and now, he is going to convince us to like it. It's like a rapist wanting to cuddle after the rape.

2. Bart Stupak is not a baby killer, but he will certainly be responsible for a lot of poor kids and grandkids. It would help if pro-lifers also considered the lives of those on the other side of the womb.

3. Chris Evans agrees to put on the Captain America constume and look like a complete idiot on the big screen. Afterwards, he will be available for used car commercials and the Liberty Tax Service.



4. The mistress of Jesse James turns out to be a Nazi. I am really shocked at this.



This clinches it for me. This is definitely not the girl to bring home to meet the parents.

5. Biden gets caught saying, "This is a big fucking deal." You said it, brother. It will be a big fucking deal when you have House Speaker John Boehner to deal with next year.

6. Now would be a perfect time for Obama to go the way of Tiger and Jesse. Obama getting caught on the receiving end of a blow job would be a victory for freedom.

7. Virgin Galactic is booking spaceflights. One day, going to the moon will be cheaper than getting an appendectomy. Of course, if Obama nationalizes the space industry as well, I will be wrong.

8. Hospitals will soon be using a picture of Nancy Pelosi as an emetic. Goodbye, syrup of ipecac!



9. If Pelosi got some tattoos, Jesse James would fuck her.

10. I have a tattoo, but I already got fucked by Obama.

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