Thursday, May 3, 2007

Men and Women Can't Be Friends

Back in the day, there was this movie called When Harry Met Sally starring Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan. It was a chick flick that proved that men and women can just be friends. Then, Crystal and Ryan fucked blowing that theory completely out of the water. And so it goes. . .

There is no such thing as "just friends" between men and women. Women will write to beg and differ, but men won't. They know. As I wrote in an earlier essay, "friend" is a slippery term for women, and it is merely a term of deception and even self-deception. The bottom line is that sex is always there and will always be there.

There are certain exceptions to this principle. For instance, I think I could be strictly friends with a 85-year-old woman wearing Depends unless maybe I was a 85-year-old man in the same shape. Then, I'd pop a Viagra and try to bone her.

I don't do the "friendship" thing anymore. As a wise friend once told me, "I fucks." You don't get more succinct than that.

I get involved with women in order to have sex with them. Beyond that, if I want friendship, I go hang out with the guys and watch televised sporting events. I like doing things with the ladies, but it is all ultimately aimed at fucking. I'm a scoundrel like that. Sue me.

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