Q&A

Q: What about Enron?

A: I get this question a lot when I talk about free markets. I often wonder why people don't throw in Global Crossing, Long Term Capital Management, or the forgotten Union Carbide disaster in India where people were killed by poisonous gas.

First of all, let's get one thing straight about Enron. Enron FAILED. They went bankrupt. They were punished by the free market for cooking their books. This is supposed to happen in the free market. Compare Enron to government entities like the post office or Amtrak that can run deficits for years with no consequences. You can only go so far in a capitalist environment.

Secondly, Enron was wrapped tightly in political corruption giving contributions to both parties and enjoying favors in return. This has been whitewashed.

Third, Enron took advantage of regulated markets and wanted more regulated markets to exploit. This was where they were able to derive their monopoly pricing power. History is replete with companies corrupted by government contracts, tip offs, etc. It is almost a truism that a government contract will result in overbilling. That's because most of it will not be caught on the government side.

Government's answer to Enron has been the disastrous Sarbanes-Oxley law which now makes it prohibitively expensive to open a public company in the US. Many companies are opting to list overseas as a result. In this case, the entire US market suffers while with Enron the victims were the investors in that company.

There will always be a certain amount of corruption in markets just like there is now with all the government regulations and what have you. But markets punish dishonesty. On the other hand, government fails all the time--9/11, Katrina, Iraq. And what happens? These failures are rewarded with more money. It boggles the mind.

I have accepted that people will always be distrutful of the market no matter its successes while being wholly trusting in the government no matter its failures. Well, why not end the free market and go with total government control of our economy? Can you say North Korea?

Here are a few more articles on the subject:

Myths About Enron
Catpialism on the Hot Seat
Enron's Last Victim:American Markets

The bottom line is that the market is filled with shady characters. The same thing is true of our government. The difference is that government corruption lingers like a bad fart in a closed room while corporate corruption is like a fart in a Category 5 hurricane. Enron attracted greedy investors who never asked how Enron made its money. They didn't care as long as the stock price kept going up. They got what they deserved in the end.

Q: Why are you so marriage-phobic?

A: I get this question all the time from women. I never get it from men.

I just quote the stats. 50% of marriages end in divorce. 40 to 60% of women cheat on their husbands. And I like to do a rough survey on my own concerning the people I know. Very few people I know are faithful. Of the people that are married, most of them tell me it is "tough." Many married men envy my position and tell me they wish they could go back. Throw in all the disastrous relationships I have been in, and there you have it.

Basically, love is bullshit. Most people find this out after they've been married awhile. Some opt to continue with the marriage while getting some on the side, or they go through a nasty divorce. I don't want to do either of these things.

For me, I always want to keep the escape hatch open. I have accepted that relationships are temporary. All marriage does is assign half your property to your future worst enemy.

Don't get me wrong, folks. I'd marry Oprah Winfrey in a heartbeat. I despise the bitch, but a billion dollars goes a long way. But as for the rest of the women in the world, no thanks.

What I am willing to do is very simple. I am willing to live with a woman in a long term relationship. I am even willing to have children so long as I can be a meaningful part of their lives. My best example of this arrangement would be Gene Simmons who has a reality show you can catch each week on A&E. That is a great family. Yeah, Gene won't marry Shannon, but I bet if he did tie the knot that bitch would take him to the cleaners.

Money is the big issue here. Most divorces are because of money. Like it or not, in both the ancient and modern context, marriage is about money and property. But as I've learned long ago, never go into partnership. This applies to business and matrimony.

Someone will throw out "common law marriage" as a potential trap but trust me, folks. I will consult a lawyer before any cohabitation occurs. South Carolina is one of those backward states that still recognizes such horseshit. You can avoid this trap by having both parties sign an agreement stating they have no intention to marry common law or otherwise. This will be a dealbuster for many girlfriends which will expose them for what they are--gold diggers.

In the end, my position really cools the fires of passion. This is the way it should be. People marry in fantasy and divorce in reality. I will never marry.

As for children, I am mixed on the subject. Unlike a wife, you can disown your children with a stroke of a pen. In addition, your responsibilities over them end at age 18. Children have no claim to your property. I can be cold on this subject because I don't have kids, but I know this will change the moment that I do.

I have grown a bit since the last time I visited this subject. I am more open to a committed relationship with the right woman. If I ever meet her, all I can tell her is that I'll be better than any husband she will ever marry. That's because I know you have to give in order to get. Plus, I never cheat. In short, I am a giving person, but I refuse to be taken. Any woman who wants more is being greedy and selfish.

Posted in: