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I have lived the bulk of my life in South Carolina. For some, this is a cause for celebration. For others, this is some sort of tragedy. The irony is that those who consider it a tragedy are the ones who have never lived here.

South Carolina is a small state. We don't have a Grand Canyon or a Disneyworld. You can cross the entire state in less than half a day. There are no big cities. The state is mostly rural. It is a Red State which puts it on the forbidden list of Blue State coastal elites who consider the place to be backwoods and primitive.

For me, South Carolina is home. I love living here. I could probably learn to love living elsewhere, but it would be for the very reasons that I love living here. I could make a home in South Dakota or Nebraska or Colorado or Alaska. I couldn't make a home in New Jersey, Boston, DC, or the Big Apple. Those are nice places to visit, but I don't belong there.

What is it that makes South Carolina home to me? The answer is simple. The people here are generally nice, humble, and friendly. You do have your snobs and rednecks and thugged out gangbanger types. But for the most part, the people here are not obnoxious or looking for every single opportunity to fuck you over.

For me, the worst part of America is the Northeast corridor that stretches from DC to Boston. The people who live there are generally the biggest assholes you are ever going to meet. They are loud and obnoxious. They are elitist. They love unions and big government. They are the ones who clamor for trade protection and higher taxes and wealth redistribution. Then, as the quality of life there erodes for them, they all decide to come South to retire with their bloated pensions. Suddenly, the hick state of South Carolina becomes a heaven for these people because they now suddenly want to enjoy the benefits of the things they castigated and denied in their home states. This would be the lower cost of living and the nicer people.

If you want to see what this Northern flight down South produces, you need look no further than the state of Florida. The debate rages among many people. Is Florida a Southern state? The reality is that it is a hybrid state at this stage as many if not most of the people who live there have come from other places. Cubans, Puerto Ricans, and Haitians have not ruined Florida. But those Northern assholes certainly have. If you doubt this, you need look no further than the numerous billboards and radio ads giving ad hoc legal counsel for all the ways you can secure the services of some lawyer, so you can stick it to somebody else. I know the experience firsthand because I spent five years of my life in that state.

What makes Northerners such total assholes is the belief that they need aggression to make their way in the world. I always get the same answer when I ask my Yankee friends if I could make it in New York. "They would eat you alive, Charlie." Now, I am one mean motherfucker when I need to be, but I don't care to be like that 24/7 as a normal way of living. Being nice makes more sense to me. But I never hear people saying such things like that about any other place in America. Make no mistake. That area of the country is a complete shithole of assholes. This is why every fucking one of them wants to get the fuck out of there and come to places like Florida or South Carolina.

I wouldn't care if they came down here if they suddenly became nice people when they showed up. But they don't. They bring their asshole ways with them. Yankees admit that people down South are nice, but they think nice is stupid. So, while they enjoy the weather and the people here, they have to shit on us and call us hicks and simpletons because we don't make a lifestyle out of being mean and obnoxious. Then, when these assholes let their mouths finally erode the last bit of goodwill Southerners have towards them, they are always mystified and surprised when these poor dumb hicks cuss them out or beat the ever living shit out of them. It is absolutely amazing just how civil a Northern asshole can become when your fist shatters his fucking face.

Yankees talk a lot about having respect, but the irony is they never actually show any respect. They don't have a clue what that fucking means. To them respect is something paid only to those stronger than you while the weak deserve a heaping ton of shit dumped on them. In the South, respect is simply good manners. The result is that Northerners who come down South are like a houseguest who eats a fine dinner in your home, takes a shit on the dining room table when he is done, and then tells you that you have lousy food. Yet, he never fucking leaves. That is the last irony. These people just won't leave.

I have never understood how people can leave a place they claim to be superior to go to a place they consider to be inferior and remain in that inferior place. I hated Florida, so I came back to South Carolina. Why don't they go back? They always cite the good weather, but I point out that there are many other places in the USA where it never snows. They never choose to go there. They have to come here. The dirty secret is that these people love South Carolina. South Carolina is like the fat girl who cooks your meals, washes your dirty fucking underwear, and gives you the best sex you ever had in your life. But because she is fat, you have to shit on her around your friends. Yankees shit on South Carolina because they are too proud to admit that it is a nice place to live.

There are drawbacks to living here in South Carolina. This is not a travel brochure inviting you to come here and live. I would actually prefer it if you didn't come here. But this is why South Carolina is home to me. I want to live in a place where the people are nice to you as a general rule and only become assholes when provoked. I don't think South Carolina is alone in this regard. And I am right. How do I know I am right? How many Southerners do you see going up North? And how many Northerners do you see coming South? And how many Northerners do you see returning to the land of assholes? The fact is that when people come to SC for whatever reasons, they never seem to want to leave. They just stay. Even for loudmouth assholes, South Carolina is a great place to live.

If you ever decide to come to South Carolina, do me a favor. Show some fucking respect, or I'll break your friggin' face. Ha! Actually, I don't care. I am nice to everyone until it no longer works. Then, I get mean. My tip for you if you do come is try being nice and see what that does for you. I will laugh at your hick jokes and your observations that we can't keep our hands off our sisters. But don't lie to yourself or anyone else that South Carolina is a shitty place to live because it isn't. If you do say that, I am simply going to ask why you insist on staying here and watch you twist on your own hypocrisy.

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