Moochers

What is a moocher? Here are some defintions from the Urban Dictionary:


Someone who always asks for things and favors constantly and will never leave you alone. They will ask for money, rides to places, for you to do simple tasks they could do easily but they think the whole world should cater to them, basically just a leech to everyone around them, a parasite to the community.

Someone who survives off another's income. Someone who believes that they are owed something for nothing. One who even if they have their own money, food, clothes, etc. will still use someone else's first. Even if that someone else is more poor.

Someone who won't leave you the fuck alone until you give them something for free.


A moocher is someone who lives at the expense of others. They are always asking for things. They are always looking for something. They can't get a job or won't get one unless it is absolutely necessary. They live completely on the charity and goodwill of other people. They are always in some desperate situation which seems to never end. There is no end to the crisis with these people.

Moochers get away with their tricks by following this strategy:

1. Be nice to everyone. Always be smiling and whatnot and come across as likable.

2. Always ask for things. Just ask ask ask.

3. Lay on the guilt and collect the goods.

Ulimately, moochers live off guilt. This is their dirty secret. They make you feel ashamed for telling them no. You can't find it in yourself to be shitty to these people. But these people are not to be trusted. Do not underestimate them. They are as shady and as shifty as any con artist or thief.

The only difference between a moocher and a straight up criminal is that the moocher gains your complicity in the crime. You end up helping them. And helping them. And helping them some more. Finally, you realize you have been had. Anger replaces guilt. But by the time this realization has set in, they have moved on.

Usually, it takes one single thing to finally set you off and realize you have had enough of the moocher's bullshit. There is one thing all moochers have in common. They don't give a shit about you. It will stun you when it happens, but the scenario usually goes like this. You are in the moocher's trap. You have helped him or her many times. Then, one day, you ask for their help. Or you want their friendly ear or what have you. Suddenly, their selfish side is revealed. They don't have the time. They have things to do. They may even be so bold as to call you a moocher. Or they will treat with disdain the things you have lent them such as returning your lawn mower with a broken pull cord.

I know a lot of moochers. Most of them can't work and support themselves. The ones who do work either won't spend their money when they can spend yours, or they blow their money on the things they love such as lottery tickets but expect everyone else to pay their bills. Life is sweet on the mooch.

How do you get rid of a moocher? Follow these steps:

1. Stop feeling guilty.

The moocher takes advantage of your good nature. But as a good person, do you go around asking for favors? I bet you don't. I bet you work for the things you have and enjoy. Why can't these people? Why do you owe these people anything?

2. Get really fucking mad.

Moochers get scarce when the wrath comes. They know the gravy train has come to a screeching fucking halt. And you should get mad. They are fucking you over, and they know it. You are being gullible. You are the mark.

3. Always say no.

Never give charity to anyone. If you gain the reputation as a nice and charitable person, moochers will head your way. This is why welfare rolls always end up going to freeloaders instead of the truly needy ones. Moochers are always on the prowl for a free lunch. It behooves you to stop serving those free lunches.

4. Realize why you aren't a moocher.

Most people are too proud to beg. They prefer the things they earned to what they could get for free. When they do get something for free, they feel an obligation to repay or at least show some level of gratitude. Moochers aren't like this. They possess neither pride nor shame and certainly not gratitude. They believe their need demands your sacrifice. You owe them.

Ultimately, you don't owe these people a damn thing. Any relationship based on guilt is not a true relationship. I remember seeing a picture of an Indian kid with a gash on his leg. It looked really horrible. The kid maintained this open wound for the sake of begging. That open cut on his leg was his livelihood because it made people feel sorry for him. There are also stories of people who begged and amassed fortunes from this begging. It is a very lucrative con. Do yourself a favor, and don't let yourself be the mark. The one thing I have discovered of all truly needy people is they were all too proud to beg, and if you ever helped them, they never forgot it.

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