Tuesday, January 19, 2010

White Collar Misery



I recently read an article about a guy with an engineering degree and an MBA who was working as a bagboy at Publix. (You can catch this article and many others on my Google Reader shared items page.) I did not know how to feel about the guy's situation. Was it comic? Was it tragic?

For most of us, I think we feel sympathy for the guy. We feel bad for people who experience a reversal of fortune because the same thing could happen to us. But I don't feel any sympathy for this guy. This is because I know he had a bullshit job before the downturn, and he has found himself where he belongs. This is the upside of a recession. Resources are creatively destroyed and reallocated to where they belong.

The joke goes that MBA stands for "Master Bullshit Artist" or "Meaningless Bullshit Accreditation." Essentially, all middle managers are idiots who can't run a business. If they could run a business, they would start a business and make millions. Instead, they go to business school to get this degree which signals that they know a lot of shit about business. They don't. They know a lot of jargon which they speak incessantly which has the same effect as the emperor's new clothes. And they utterly fuck up a company keeping real employees from getting the job done.

I found this comment on an article amusing:

MBA students are the scourge of this nation and will be leading the charge to its ruinous end. A graduating MBA expects to be making $183,500?!? Get your collective heads out of your collective asses. The average graduating physician [with ass loads of schooling and experience that trump your feeble education] won’t even receive that — and that’s for saving lives. Realize how worthless you are, then maybe you’ll be grateful that somebody will even give you a job to do your worthless tasks. Oh, and congratulations on furthering our broken system you wastes of oxygen.

This was a reply to the comment:

I will be getting my MBA this fall. True, I could “save lives” for less money, but I’d rather “spew bullshit” for more. From the comments, I know it’s the right choice. One thing business teaches you is that the job is worth what the market is willing to pay. Apparently, firms pay a lot for people to “play golf” instead of doing “something that matters.”
Some wonder why the ones who, in their opinion, do the least amount of work seem to make more money–others decide to join that group instead of whining and complaining about it.


There is a lot of venom there. The truth is that MBA wielding middle managers are worthless which is why you get some of them bagging groceries at Publix. The rest collect unemployment, live with mom and dad, etc. But if they are so worthless, how are they able to get paid so much?

The world abounds with bullshitters. We have televangelists, chiropractors, politicians, infomercial gurus, get rich quick scam artists, slimy salesmen, etc. Why do we think the business world is immune from this bullshit? It isn't.

I remember in my late 20's being sent to Phoenix for a month for corporate training by the outfit I was working for. I quickly saw it for the bullshit it was. I got a fat per diem and a condo to stay in. We spent the day listening to bullshit and the night drinking and watching basketball. All things considered, it was pretty sweet. It also added not one penny to the bottom line. It was a waste of money.

I did not get along with the guru of this retreat. We spent time analyzing the operation of the local hub, and there was a problem. The place was understaffed, and a trailer of goods had to be unloaded and sorted. It was a big account. While the guru and everyone else "analyzed" the situation, I got in the back of that trailer and unloaded the trailer. It took me 30 minutes. Problem solved. Needless to say, the guru was not pleased with my actions though he did pitch in to help me unload the trailer. He hated me but also admired me at the same time. I get this a lot.

On our final night in Phoenix, the guru and I were at the bar, and he confided in me. It was all bullshit. His job was bullshit. The whole program was bullshit. It is amazing what candor a few beers can bring. This was a guy who had threatened to send me back to Orlando on a plane agreeing with me on what I thought about it all. It was all bullshit.

White collar misery is the realization that what you do for a living has no authenticity. People are screaming for authenticity. This is why they buy distressed trucker's hats and jeans with the holes already in them. This is why they watch TV programs like Dirty Jobs and Deadliest Catch. But you can't buy authenticity.

What you do for a living has a direct bearing on your happiness. It isn't the conditions of your job or the long hours that make work miserable. It is the realization that what you are doing with your life is bullshit. The stockbroker who watches the blue collar reality on Discovery Channel knows what I am talking about.

You can make a lot of money from bullshit. Or you can end up bagging groceries at Publix. The reality is the MBA types took a lot of credit for business successes they had nothing to do with. It is only fair that they should bear the blame for the business failures.

But there is an alternate career path. This path is to go out and learn something useful or start a business providing goods and services that people are willing to buy. It might involve turning a wrench or drawing blood or coding on a computer. The world needs managers, but it doesn't need middle managers who spend their days shooting emails to each other, bullshitting in endless meetings, and preparing PowerPoints. You can fire these people, not replace them, and there would be a net gain to the bottom line because you wouldn't have to pay these people anymore.

Here is some real corporatespeak I gleaned from a website:

In a consumer driven society, we need people who understand business and think like customers – people who understand how to create comprehensive, measurable user experiences that drive solid results. . . there’s a strong benefit in hiring individuals with practical, hands-on experience and maturity… especially in competitive markets. However, as product commoditization places an increasing emphasis on the comprehensive customer experience, there’s also increasing demand for individuals with new skillsets; individuals who understand cross-channel experience management, integrated marketing, interaction design, usability, cultural ethnography, analytics and more.

What the fuck is "cross-channel experience management?" Like I said, it is the emperor's new clothes. It is all bullshit. This is the bullshit that our Publix bagboy was paid to spout for a six figure salary. I wonder if the cross-channel experience they are referring to is dodging minivans as Mr. MBA carts your shit to your car.

But there is something good about being a bagboy at Publix. It is an authentic job. There is no bullshit with that profession. As Mr. MBA put it, "No job is undignified." Being a bagboy is honest work. As someone who has done honest work for most of his life, I can tell you it feels way better than the bullshit work. A high salary is no substitute for an honest living.

---
NOTES

1. The End of the Affair: The decline of the MBA will cut off the supply of bullshit at source

2. Confessions of an MBA Student

3. The Value of the MBA

4. He's 'the only bag boy at Publix with an MBA'

5. The Management Myth