The Diminishers

Haters. What a term. It connotes jealousy and envy. At the same time, it also implies admiration. Haters admire the things they want to have and be. They hate because those things are denied to them. But you can't really hate a hater. Being hated for what you are is almost as sweet as being loved for the same things. If it wasn't, people wouldn't invest so much in status symbols that get keyed to fucking hell in parking garages.

I'm not a hater. When I see something admirable in someone else, I celebrate it. I have a coworker who I think is a complete bad ass at his job, and I praise him to the heavens for it. He is better than me at what he does. I praise him so much that people accuse me of gay tendencies and wanting to suck him off. It makes me laugh. But that's the way I am. Now, I could hate on him and talk shit about him, but the admiration would still be there hidden. Why hide it? The guy is great. The world needs great people.

Haters do no damage except to themselves. People are amused that I have an "amen" button and a "fuck you" button at the bottom of my posts. I get fuck yous all the time. I like the feedback even if it is negative. In fact, my critics make me better not worse. I need the hate and feed on it. Many of my friends are actually my harshest critics. Unlike members of the Cult of Positive Thinking, I think negative criticism is beneficial and healthy. Bring on the hate.

Diminishers are not the same as haters. They don't admire you at all. In fact, they don't give a shit about you whatsoever. The ironic thing is that these diminishers will actually claim and profess love for you. It could be a family member, a lover, or a friend. These people are supposed to be our supporters, our sponsors, and our advocates. At the very least, they shouldn't stand in the way or belittle us. Instead they discourage us, undermine us, enslave us, and consume us until there is nothing left. They diminish us.

Diminishers are evil. They always seem to know what is for our own good. They always want to control us. And the most dangerous thing to us? Our freedom to create, to perform, and to be what makes us truly special. Diminishers don't love you for what you are. They love you for what you do for them. Your role is to be a slave to their ends. But they will convince you that it is for your good end as well. The result is a slow drain of life from your being.

The antithesis to the diminisher is the one who flourishes. When people who flourish come into your life, they make you flourish, too. You feel your brain catch on fire. Your entire being is energized. You may even forget to eat or sleep because of the rush this person creates in you. People who flourish produce a contact high in all those who meet and interact with them.

Diminishers are attracted to the one who flourishes for the very qualities that make them flourish. The diminisher does not flourish. The diminisher achieves in a way that is second hand or in a drudging manner with a lot of bile and contempt. They don't enjoy the process, but they want the end result. Diminishers are often social climbers exchanging favors for status and position. The diminisher plays the game, so a person who flourishes becomes part of this game. They either get used up and essentially die inside. Or, they pick the locks on their shackles and escape.

A diminisher and a person who flourishes cannot coexist. One must subordinate to the other. I have an amigo who tells me I need to quit fighting and bite the pillow, but I can't. I can't stop flourishing. That way is death. I have been down that path. I have been diminished to the point of wanting to die. I will never go there again. I can't always win, but I can always fight. And fighting is living. I fight in order to live. People who don't flourish can never understand this.

When people who flourish come together, there is a multiplier effect. 1 + 1 = 5 in that equation. They feed off each other's flow and make one another flourish. It can be two friends, a couple, an organization, a company, a society, or even an entire generation and country. History is replete with these outbreaks of flourishing. This was the Athenians. This was the Renaissance. This was the Enlightenment. This is Silicon Valley. Outbreaks of flourishing happen at unusual times and places and when you least expect them.

The enemies of this flourishing are the diminishers. They are the parasites of every great society. They extinguish all that is great and good. It is their way. History is replete with diminishment as well. This was the Dark Ages. This was the Iron Curtain. This was the Holocaust. Diminishers consume until there is nothing left. Without a host, these parasites die off. They conquer merely to sustain the unsustainable. The diminishers always need the ones who flourish. The ones who flourish never need the diminishers.

On a personal level, the diminishers in your life are often family members and significant others. This isn't an automatic thing since those same people can also not be diminishers. They can be your greatest assets sometimes. But many times, these people just piss on everything you do or believe in. These people have to go. Diminishers are your enemies. They will take you down to misery and toss you like a sack of garbage when they are done with you. It behooves you to toss them first.

It helps to know who your enemies are. The diminishers are your enemies. The ones who flourish are your friends. As much as possible seek out and be with the ones who flourish. Be kind and gracious to your haters. But diminish the diminishers. Don't let them drain your life from you.

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