The Demise of Godless Columbia

A couple of years ago, I became involved with a group called Godless Columbia through the Meetup.com website. I went to a meeting which was quite small at the time, but I was immediately hooked. I felt a kinship with this odd group of people.

The only thing I had in common with these folks was that we did not believe in God. There were a couple of libertarians in the group, but it was mostly a motley assortment of independent thinking people. Needless to say, we had the most interesting conversations, and the interactions were very stimulating for me. Surprisingly, we talked very little about issues of religion.

There was a cost to being part of this group. We didn't charge dues or any of that. The cost was a public cost. Being in Godless meant being in the light. You were coming out as someone who went against the majority. You were telling people and the world that you were an atheist. This meant pissing off friends and family and maybe even getting fired if you worked in a Christian bookstore. This cost was too much to bear for some people, and they didn't become part of our group.

I am not ashamed of being an atheist, and I don't care what other people think of me. I live in a country where a vast majority of the population elected a liar to be president and are now surprised to discover that this man has lied to them. My worldview is that the bulk of the population are unwitting dupes, fools, fucktards, shitheads, and idiots. You may call me arrogant, but you agree with me. There isn't a day that goes by that the stupidity of the masses doesn't piss you off in someway.

I don't feel bad about not sharing the majority opinion because that opinion is often wrong. Truth is not dependent upon winning a popularity contest. Truth exists because reality exists. Reality does not care what you think of it, and the more in tune you are with reality the less you think of what other people think about you. This is why mavericks infuriate the masses but are so often vindicated.

Closet atheists cannot be in the open. This would be understandable in Iran or Saudi Arabia, but I don't understand it here in the USA where the only real persecution you will face will be some negative opinions and weird stares. But for some people, being in the open is just too much. They can't take it, and I don't have a problem with it. Just don't expect me to have any respect for you. I don't care if people choose to hide but don't ever try to tell me that I am wrong for being outspoken or try to run a guilt trip on me or anyone else that has the balls to stand up for the things we believe in.

The first time I encountered this backlash from the rear echelon was when some fellow Godless took me to task for calling Christians a bunch of shitheads. Granted, it is uncivil, but I think it is mild in response to Christians telling me I will spend eternity in Hell or equating me with mass murder, Satanists, child molesters, etc. When people say shit like that to me, I want to feel my fist beating their faces in to a bloody pulp. It pisses me off, so responding with savage insults is my tempered response to idiotic people. I don't play nice with people like this.

All of this makes me a "militant atheist" which I now recognize is a smear from closet atheists. Christians don't call me this. Other atheists call me this. Fucking amazing. The Christians in my life gave me respect a long time ago, and I get along just fine with every one of them. But I now have to put up with insults like this from people that are supposedly on my side. It boggles the fucking mind. But I am digressing from the story.

Godless Columbia began to grow. Part of this is a result of the openness of atheists in the wider culture, the high profile of the New Atheists such as Dawkins and Hitchens, etc. The other part is the fact that we were a group with a strong identity. Godless attracted "militant atheists." To me, these are people who are individuals. Each one of them had a strong individual identity, and it is something I celebrated. I am usually the loudmouth wherever I go, but I could just sit back and enjoy the dynamics of this wild group of people.

The beginning of the end came with advent of a person we will call GILLIAN. Gillian is a militant atheist. She waves the flag. She has an offbeat personality. She is a polyamorist and an aficionado of roller derby. Her enthsuiasm for life is infectious, and she is extremely likable, personable, and popular. But for all her good traits, she doesn't get it. There is a line between individualism and narcissism. Gillian steps over that line.

Gillian's presence in the group supercharged Godless as a result of her popularity and her ceaseless organizing efforts. These can only be good things. Then, Gillian dropped the bomb. She made some suggestions for changes to the group which involved a scheme of compulsory attendance to events, measures for group expulsion, etc. I was not pleased with this. I was a total Gillian Fan Club member until that moment. It nauseated me.

I am a take it or leave it type person. I have organized events where a hundred people have shown up and other events where I was the only person there. I never take it personally either way. I find attendance is like Brownian motion. It is random. This is why I would put together weekend meetings at different places and different times, and I always brought a book and my iPod in case people didn't show. Naturally, the meetings I thought would be sparsely attended would be surprisingly large while others I thought would be popular were not. I even toyed with having one at McDonald's.

For Gillian, I can only imagine the force option was her answer to this "problem." If you go through all the trouble of organizing a meeting, dammit, people need to show the fuck up. But like I said, it is Brownian motion. You learn to take the good with the bad and leave your ego out of it. I don't think Gillian can do this which led to some Gestapo measures. Naturally, I opposed them, and she lost.

The Gentle Reader at this point will say that this is just a pissing match between two outsized egos, but you know I am the good guy in all of this. I'm the one writing the story, so I get to be the hero. Blah blah blah. But most people who know me also feel a great freedom to tell me exactly what they think, and they do. I think my critics will say that I thrive on conflict and hostility, and I admit that I get a high from other people's anger. But when they blow their wad, everyone feels better. When people are free to say what they think, this actually leads to peace. The end of the Cold War was brought about precisely because of Ronald Reagan's belligerence. Tear down this wall. It made Gorby do something, and it brought about a momentous change. But I am digressing again.

People who are "militant" actually bring about positive change. It is ironic, but there you have it. Strong words lance boils of resentment. It leads to truth which leads to change which leads to flourishing. I've seen this process so many times that I am a believer in it. Tyranny is built upon people keeping their mouths shut. Remember this.

I kept my mouth shut about Gillian's coup attempt to the wider group, and this was a mistake. I also let slide by a measure to take our group "private" to appease the chickenshit atheists who couldn't abide being outed to their friends and family as atheists. That changed the group dramatically. The "cost" was now gone or at least reduced considerably. But when you are in a group called "Godless" then it leaves no doubt where you stand if you belong to it.

The other shoe dropped when Gillian changed the name of the group to Freethought Society of the Midlands. It is just a name, and I didn't care a whole lot. Then, I realized I was the frog in the boiling water. Well, contrary to the myth, frogs actually get the fuck out of that water and so did I. The chickenshit atheists had swelled the ranks, and Gillian had taken charge of them. It was a lesson in group dynamics. The name change was a way for closet atheists to hide their identity from the larger public that is clueless to what "freethought" is. Since closet atheists outnumber militant atheists, this would make the group bigger and give Gillian more ego strokes and acolytes.

Gillian doesn't like "militant atheists." Nevermind that she is one herself. The reality is that narcissists cannot abide individuals. They are irritating and annoying. They have to question everything. In order to lead, you must have people to follow, and the best followers are cowards. I imagine this is what happened with the Bolsheviks.

Gillian has expressed that she had friction with her old group back in Ohio, and it was with people like me. Gillian has a gigantic ego, and it needs satisfaction. This explains her free love ways, overscheduling of events, overbearing ways, tyrannical impulses, etc. She even said the name change would also make it easier for the Christians and Wiccans in our group. (Yes, there are religious people in Godless now that believe stupid make believe bullshit. But it is really the Gillian Fan Club not Godless or anything else.)

Folks, I agree with you. This is some stupid shit. Gillian upbraids a guy with a Rational Response Squad T-shirt at an event but says not a word about witchcraft. Now, I'm someone who believes in diversity of thought and opinion, but that also includes my own thoughts and opinions. I would never exclude anyone for being religious, but I'm not going to exclude someone else from an atheist group because I might piss off my religious members. But it really isn't an atheist group anymore. It is something else. It definitely isn't Godless.

The group I know is dead. I stopped attending long before this name change. I wish they would throw me out, but I am always denied the martyr's exit which sucks. The clever atheists figured this out. So, I'm left with this disappointment and absolutely no desire to be among these people. This must have been what it was like for Chicago when Peter Cetera sold the group out with those sappy love ballads.

As for Gillian, she will be all pissed off and hurt because like I said, she doesn't get it. The irony of people who gain power is just how fragile and weak they are. Her husband revealed this to me when he said I just needed a hug. A hug would be nice, but I have never needed one in my life.

As similar as Gillian and I are in being outspoken, we are very different people. I collect around me people who disagree with me and tell me what they think. This is because the only person I am afraid of is myself. An unchecked ego is a dangerous thing, so I depend upon others to keep this ego in check. I don't want asskissers in my life. I want people who tell me the truth even if it may piss me off a bit. This is why I liked Godless so much in the beginning. My favorites were the ones who disagree with me the most, and I don't see them anymore.

I am now a maligned "militant atheist" which Gillian thinks is bad for the group. The truth is that I am bad for her. People like me aren't followers. We don't stroke egos. We crush them.

It is frustrating to see this happen, but I see it as evidence of a wider phenomenon involving groups and individualism which I may write on in the future. Basically, groups are overrated, and it is individuals that make the difference. But I'm still dwelling on all of that.

As for the group, they should keep the name "Godless Columbia" and make it public again. That's it. We might lose members in the short term, but in the long term, I think people will grow to respect the group for standing for something. I think atheists being out of the closet does more for freethought than any public education campaign or political endeavor ever could. There are a lot of atheists out there. Unfortunately, most of them are invisible.

As for Gillian, I don't know what to say. There isn't a person that exists that can keep from liking her. But I'm not into psychobabble bullshit about liking yourself and being secure in yourself and all that. All I know is that people like you because they choose to like you, and that is not in your control. Gillian demands it, and this is precisely what makes me stop liking her.

As for my atheism, it is a non-issue in my life. The only difference between me and the average American is that I stopped feeling guilty about the fact that I sleep in on Sunday mornings just like the rest of America. I spend no time debating the existence of God or trying to get the Pledge of Allegiance sanitized of the God reference. I don't try and convert believers. When it comes to militancy, I am the least militant atheist I know and still carry the title of "militant atheist." All I do is wear the label and make no apologies. That's it. One lone individual act, yet everybody gets so pissed off.

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