Why?

We realise that it is only natural to be curious and a couple of the emails we have received recently have asked us what exactly happened to Silas so I am beginning to feel it necessary to write this blog.

Firstly, I can tell you that nothing dreadful or devastating happened to him before he was put to sleep - he didn't suffer any catastrophic injury or succumb to colic and he was very comfortable and happy at the end and just drifted off to sleep.

What happened is that it became very clear to us that, whilst he had made some definite improvement, he was not improving as a horse that had not suffered permanent injury would and, as much as we did not want to acknowledge it, he was already beginning to go backwards again. As all horse people know, horses without good limbs/joints are unable to 'be' horses and in the end Silas didn't even have one good leg and was continuing to grow and put weight on to limbs that were finding it increasingly difficult to cope. We spoke in depth with our vet about his future and, when it became clear to us all that Silas was never going to be allowed a comfortable life we had no choice but to make that most difficult of decisions - we owed it to him to do so before life for him became unbearable and we were forced to make the call in an emergency situation.

In the end there was no other truly humane option and whilst we would have given anything to be able to keep him with us for longer, it was his best interests that we had to put first, over any emotional attachments that we had formed. I can say, hand on heart, that it was the most difficult decision of my life to date but it was not a decision I made alone but was a decision that was made unanimously by those who knew and loved Silas.

Silas left this world as he came into it, with all of our love focussed directly upon him and we have buried a little piece of ourselves alongside him. Life without him and without Debi will never be the same but our lives are the richer for having shared time with them ~ they will live forever in our hearts and minds.

We will always be grateful to those people who helped us give Silas the very best chance, more grateful than we can express in words - we just wish that the fairytale ending that Silas deserved had eventuated but clearly he was an angel, merely leant.

Don't stand by my grave and weep,

For I am not there.

I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond's glint in the snow,

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn's rain.

In the soft blush of the morning light,

I am the swift bird in flight.

Don't stand by my grave and cry,

I am not there,

I did not die.

Mary Frye

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