Slack

There is a mystical force in the universe. This force robs you of wealth, health, and security. Like the gravity of a black hole, it sucks the productivity from your days. Time is frittered away. You know this force is destructive, but you are unable to escape it. This force is better known as SLACK.

Slack is simply laziness. Throw in procrastination, and there you have it. Slack is nothing more than inaction. It is not doing what needs to be done. In short, it is an escape from work. It is inactivity or half assing stuff. I know of no one who has not succumbed to slack at some point in their lives.

Slack is not a good thing. So, why do we have it? The answer to that is elementary. All you have to do is look at nature to realize that the vast majority of creatures including ourselves likes to sleep. Scientists debate the purpose of sleep, and I must admit that it has mystified me. Why did so many animals evolve to do something that makes them vulnerable and puts them at jeopardy? Some say it has to do with rewiring synapses in the brain. But the best answer I have heard is that it has to do with conserving energy.

The theory goes that the reason sleep evolved is because it makes survival sense. When an animal sleeps, he burns less energy. Animals tend to either forage for food, reproduce, or sleep. Herbivores sleep less than carnivores. That is because they must eat more to get their energy needs met. Lions, bears, and other animals spend a lot of time snoozing. They eat and do nothing all day long. This is the economy of nature. It does not waste energy on the unnecessary. Once their caloric needs are met, animals sleep. That is the cycle of their day.

With humans, the same cycle exists. If you've ever wanted to take a nap after lunch, you know this phenomenon firsthand. Eating makes you sleepy. But because we must work to enjoy other things such as central air conditioning, motorized transportation, and the vodka martini, this propensity to slack can be dangerous. Yet, it is hardwired into us.

Workaholics overcome slack through the use of a drug. It is the most popular drug in the world. It is so popular we even let children consume it. They even give it away free at work. That drug is caffeine.

Caffeine is a stimulant, and the popularity of coffee coincides perfectly with the industrial revolution. Factories found that workers produced more goods at less risk to safety when they were buzzed on caffeine instead of beer. By getting buzzed, workers found they were more alert and energetic as a result. I can personally attest to the almost magical effects of this substance.

I drink a lot of coffee. I am criticized for overdoing it. But to be honest, I don't drink enough of the stuff. If I don't drink coffee, I want to take a nap. I'm not kidding. I like to joke that my purpose in life is to turn caffeine into work.

My addiction makes sense considering that I am already naturally disposed towards slack. Even now, I'd like to go take a nap because I haven't put a pot on. That is after eight hours of sleep as well. I always want to sleep. It is by effort and java that I overcome this urge to do nothing.

Another factor in slack is the presence of lipids. Lipids are fats present in crap food like the Big Mac from McDonald's. If you eat heavy shit like this, you will want to sleep. That is because I believe that an excess number of calories triggers the brain to release serotonin just like it does in other animals. By eating light, you increase your energy levels. I must admit that this is advice I do not take myself. I think my life would improve remarkably if I were to do the Jared Fogle thing. People on diets report increased energy levels. This seems counterintuitive but not if you realize how animals evolved this way. Low calories increases energy. High calories decreases energy. If you fall into a severe deficit like in starvation or hypoglycemia, then your energy levels will drop but for the wrong reasons.

So, if you eat less and drink coffee, you can ramp up energy. Throw in a high degree of physical fitness, and you should be hitting on all eight cylinders. People who are in shape have a higher degree of energy than those not in shape. For instance, Ron Paul rides a bike, and I was suprised to learn that he was 71 years old. I figured him to be 61. Much of what people attribute to old age is really due to being out of shape. For instance, marathoner Ed Whitlock ran a sub-3 hour marathon at age 70. Considering that many twentysomethings and thirtysomethings could not duplicate this feat, it really goes to show that you can do more than you think you can.

The other aspect of slack is diversions like television, video games, and the internet. Unlike other animals, we crave intellectual stimulation. The fact that you are reading this is testament to this urge to goof off. When we do something we love, we experience what psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls "flow." It's like when an athlete gets into the zone when he goes on the playing field, or the way I feel now as I write this essay. You lose yourself in the experience, and I think it is the best experience you can have on this earth. Unfortunately, you can't always get paid for this flow experience, and sometimes you even pay to experience flow. My monthly cable/internet bill is testament to this.

If you have a job drilling holes into sheet metal all day or watching paint dry, you probably would rather be doing something more fun like a sudoku puzzle. Boredom is also an element in slack, and it produces the same sleepiness as a Thanksgiving dinner would. Workaholics despise boredom and are always looking for stimulating things to keep them occupied. What separates those people from the rest of the herd is they get paid to have their fun. This does not mean being a professional athlete. My dopehead cousin is amazingly lazy except when it comes to cleaning or refurbishing something or welding together pieces of metal for a project. Then, he becomes as devoted a workaholic as any person you will find in the corporate world. That is the power of Flow.

Flow and Slack are in constant battle with each other. But if you have a greater amount of Flow in your life as opposed to Slack, this is happiness. It could almost be reduced to a mathematical ratio of hours of productive activity to hours of sleeping. The thing is that watching television produces flow, but it doesn't count as productive activity. The only difference between work and play is that you get paid to work. When Tiger Woods plays golf, it is time well-spent. When I play golf, it is time wasted. Fortunately, I am not a golfer.

In conclusion, the way to battle slack is fourfold-- drink coffee, eat light, exercise, and get paid to do what you love. You should see a huge uptick in your productivity as a result.

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