Alone Again

I have been in a relationship for the last two years, and it has ended. There's not much I can say about it except it isn't what I want. It is what she wants. And so it goes. . .

I don't care anymore. The reality of my life is that I am permanently alone. This will never change. Every break up adds scar tissue. I feel less and less. I give less and less. For two years, I have simply been steeling myself for the inevitable break up. Women wonder why I never marry. Marriage merely makes breaking up more expensive.

I don't believe in love. My lack of faith in love is equal to my lack of faith in God. I know it is nonsense. Love is a delusion, and the delusion ends when the truth emerges. Speak truth to a woman, and she will never forgive you.

I will hurt for a week or two, and then, I will feel fine again. In fact, I will actually be happier. Why? Because life goes on, and her problems are not my problems anymore. I don't have to be nagged anymore. I don't have to take an ass chewing for whatever my latest failure is. As any man will tell you, with women, you are only as good as your last trick.

I will save more money. I will lose weight. I will work more. I will make progress in projects. Why? Because those resources devoted to her will now stay with me. I get to enjoy my life again and not feel guilty about it. Whether I want to admit it or not, I am happier alone. But in the meantime, it hurts.

In the past, I would get angry and spew as much bile as possible. But like I said, I've been prepping for this. As for who is right, that is me. When a relationship ends and the other person can't look you in the eye, you were right. In the choice between truth and love, I chose truth, and the truth will always cost you.

All my relationships end the same way whether it is with women, family, or friends. I say something true, and they can't deal with it. If you want to be with someone, always keep your mouth shut. ALWAYS. If they have a drinking problem, live with it. Are they compulsive gamblers with debt problems? Just shut up and hide your money. In the end, talking to them will do nothing for them. They will only hate you and keep doing what they are doing. In the end, people love their vices more than they will ever love you.

Love is where you consider the cost of being with someone to be less than the cost of being alone. I find that the relationships that I have that endure are the ones with my brother and my friends. This is because they all have their shit together. They pay their bills. They keep a job. They don't have drug and alcohol problems. But even if they did have problems, they would never burden me with them. I would tell them what they would tell me--get your shit together.

People with problems want and demand unconditional love. This is because that is the only love that can endure with these people. But there is no such thing as unconditional love. Cheat on your spouse and get caught and see what happens. Love must be conditional. To love someone who mistreats you is to hate yourself.

I really love my girlfriend. She never did anything bad to me. As girlfriends go, she was the best. But I could not keep my mouth closed. I love truth more than her. Now, she is gone. I will miss her.

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