Security and Freedom and Other Stuff

There are two impulses that run through the population. The first impulse is to be free from need or harm. The second impulse is to be free to do what you want to do. These impulses clash with one another.

In the political realm, we see this conflict between libertarians and statists. Statists in both the Democratic and Republican parties always threaten people with real and perceived dangers in hopes they will exchange their freedoms for security. This is how we get the welfare/regulatory/police state we now enjoy in America.

Libertarians point out time and time again how these dangers to security are overblown and are largely unfounded. But even if people do believe these arguments, they are lulled into complacency by the welfare effect. Even if they are convinced that things would be better, people are not going to move from comfort to discomfort unless situations force them into it. For instance, I find it magical how people are able to find employment as their unemployment benefits expire.

My greatest fear on these things is being caught in the welfare effect. I have lived long enough to see and realize that my periods of greatest improvement came on the heels of disasters like being kicked out of my house by my parents or losing my job or getting my car stolen or getting dumped by a girlfriend. All of these diasters fostered in me a desire for self-improvement and a will to overcome. These disasters became assets.

What is true in the larger political sense is true in the personal sense. When you take care of people, they stop taking care of themselves. In trying to help people, you make them worse. It is like feeding prunes to starving persons. You fill their stomachs, but you are killing them.

Security is an illusion. 9/11 showed this. All of our tax dollars go to a bloated intelligence and law enforcement network that is very efficient at harassing law abiding citizens but are powerless against some fuckheads with box cutter knives. Now, a terrorist is powerless on an airplane not because of law enforcement but against passnegers no longer deluded by false promises. This is why the shoe bomber was foiled. He was taken down by people passionately concerned for their own welfare.

No one cares for you as much as you do. People will tell you that they know better for you, but do you really trust them? I'm not saying you should not trust them. It just shouldn't come at the expense of your economic or social freedom. When it comes to the marketplace, you are free to seek a second opinion. This is not so with the government.

This paradigm applies to personal relationships as well. Consider parents and children. These relationships work reasonably well until the teenage years when the kids begin to assert some autonomy. Things begin to break down as the kids wish to enjoy both freedom and security at the same time, and the parents recoil. They don't know what to do. They can't handle it. At some point, acrimony ensues, and kids learn they are better off on their own. At least, you hope they learn this.

This also happens between romantic partners. Generally, a man and a woman come together (sorry to you gay and lesbian folks), and they either make it work, or they don't. I see this as the conflict between love and freedom. People want the security that comes from having a life partner. They want to believe that there will always be someone there for them which is why people still cling to the illusion of marriage when there is nothing permanent about it except the bitterness. The conflict comes when one or both partners want to do things the other does not agree with. It might be something benign like taking a different job or going to grad school or something worse like gaining 50 pounds of blubber or doing drugs or taking on a new lover.

People want to have it both ways, but it doesn't work. This is why marriages fail. You can't live with someone and also do everything you want without somebody getting pissed off or used in the process. I learned this very well in my last relationship. I learned it so well that I won't ever do it again.

No matter how laidback I am and no matter how far I lower those hurdles, no woman is ever going to clear them. I have an idea why this is. You teach people how you want to be treated. By giving women freedom, I teach them that it is OK to try and use me. This is not OK. Their minds cannot make the distinction between freedom without responsibility and freedom with responsibility. Basically, there is no freedom without responsibility. If you want to do your own thing, you have to pay your own way and take the consequences.

This is the dream of all people. It is to have freedom without responsibility. It can't be done. You might as well try and find a square circle. But I believe freedom is worth those consequences. My family has disassociated from me, and it is a difficult burden for me. But the freedom I have is worth it. I will not be dictated to by either my family, my friends, or my girlfriend.

You are better off alone. I know I am. This doesn't mean becoming a loner. I am a very socially engaged person. My friends are a big part of my life. I also go out on a lot of dates. I have a network of people, and I believe in the value of people for the sake of mutual exchange and benefit.

I will always retain the option to leave a relationship if it is no longer beneficial to me. I will also respect another person's decision to no longer associate with me for whatever reason. As they say, the customer is always right. Conversely, I always try and render some benefit in a relationship. I try to make people better. This means giving my moral support and my advice. People don't always appreciate this. I know Greta didn't.

I often wonder where I went wrong there, and I already know. I wanted a committed relationship when I know that these relationships don't work. By my habits, I am ideal for a husband. But by my worldview, I am horrible. I am responsible and easy to get along with. But you will not get me to lie to you. You will not have my brain. That is mine. Greta wanted me to be a shithead like her, and I drew the line.

People will enslave you. They will try to get more and more until you have to say enough. It is when you assert your freedom and independence that people hate you. It is when you want to do things your way at your own expense and bearing your own consequences that people utterly despise you. Nevermind that you are taking nothing from them. They will call you the selfish one.

I have been down the security path and the freedom path, and I can tell you that freedom is a lot better. Freedom is worth any sacrifice you make for it. Escape. Get out. Do whatever it takes. But be free.

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