In striving for my 2011 goal of inner peace, I must come to grips with the question of the nature of humanity. Are human beings basically good or inherently evil? As a former Calvinist, I used to have no hesitation on this question. The T in TULIP stands for "total depravity." Humanity is fundamentally wicked. We are sinful beings deserving of God's wrath. Ironically, this helps you to be tolerant of others because you see yourself as wicked, so it helps you to forgive the wickedness in others.
The problem with this doctrine is that we see people doing good things everyday. Even the bad things like the welfare state are done with good intentions. Not everyone is a Nazi or a serial killer. If humanity is totally depraved, why is there such variability in the character of human beings? The Calvinist answer to this was "common grace." God, in his sovereignty, puts a restraining hand on the wickedness of human beings and keeps them from being as evil as they really are. Of course, to an atheist like me, this is just absolute horseshit.
It was from Ayn Rand and others that I concluded that humanity was not inherently evil but selfish. Everyone pursues their own self interest from the greedy capitalist to the altruistic saint to the religious fanatic flying a passenger plane into a building. They all do these things from the motivation of selfish gain. They believe they will be better off as a consequence of their worldview and their actions.
Selfishness in and of itself is not inherently evil. People often do many things to benefit others as a consequence of that selfishness. I know I do. And people like my now ex-girlfriend would call me selfish for this. But this is that Calvinist trick. Since we are always looking out for ourselves, we are always "evil." But this is stupid. Even according to Calvinist doctrines, God does everything for his own glory. God is allowed to be selfish, but humanity isn't. But this is just a trick to keep humanity subservient to the likes of John Calvin. Of course, grace lets you off the hook, so you get to keep the best of both tyranny and freedom. What a neat trick that is.
Selfishness is a constant. The variability in human actions comes from worldview and thinking. People do evil things not because they are selfish so much as they are stupid. Their thinking is flawed, and their actions are merely the consequence of that flawed thinking. This how otherwise civilized people can perpetrate atrocities such as the Salem Witch Trials or the Holocaust. They were incredibly stupid.
I have had a lot of problems with the people that I have tried to be close to. I have struggled and tried to fathom why I have had these conflicts. But I already know the answer. The reason I have had these conflicts is because all of these folks have one thing in common. They are incredibly stupid.
I don't like to acknowledge this fact. It makes me sound like an intellectual snob and a prick. I want to believe that I can have healthy relationships with stupid people. But I can't. Stupid people don't even have healthy relationships with each other.
In order for people to get along with each other, they need a certain social intelligence. This is not rocket science. It is more like the homespun wisdom you might catch on an episode of The Andy Griffith Show. But this wisdom has been lost. Things are more like Married with Children now.
In my experience, I find that I generally get along with people. Things break down when they ask of me or demand something I cannot give them or will not give them. They turn on me and treat me like shit. Over and over, I have been through this. I don't think anyone owes me anything, but they all seem to think that I owe them something. And they always have to tear you down. Always. Its like they have to debase you, so you feel like it is a favor they are doing for you by letting you kiss their ass.
All my girlfriends have been this way with me. My family has been this way with me. I have had only a few friends who have been this way with me. I think Aristotle's teachings on friendship and other relationships may be helpful in this regard.
The good man is self-sufficing, but friends are desirable, if not actually necessary to him, as giving scope for the exercise of beneficent activities, not as conferring benefits upon him.--ARISTOTLE
I think my next step is to understand friendship and what it truly means. But what I do know is that the problem is not with me but with the people I associate with. They lack an essential ingredient that is necessary to be a friend. There is a reason my friends accumulate, but my family and girlfriends disappear. None of those family members or girlfriends are people that I would ever be friends with. With family members, the relationship is based on blood. With girlfriends, it is based on sex which later turns into money. Absent these factors, I would never associate with any of them on any basis whatsoever. Ironically, this is exactly what ends up happening. Their innate shittiness puts them out of my life. So, I'm going to stop feeling bad about that. I came from trash, and I date trash. It's time to take out the trash.
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