New Year's Day 2011

This is the first post of the new year. For this post, I am going to write about the gym.

The gym, fitness zone, sweat center, or whatever you want to call it is a lucrative and smart business. This is because you can sell a product that you don't actually have to produce. It gets busy in January and clears out by March. That is about how long it takes people to abandon that resolution they make every year to get in shape. Kinda sad actually. I recommend P90X. It is way cheaper, and you can leave the DVDs on the shelf to be used again the following year.

Why is it so hard to keep new year's resolutions? The answer to that is simple. We are programmed to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Sitting on the couch feels good. Climbing the Stairmaster doesn't feel as good. This is how nature programs us to conserve energy. It is why almost all animals spend the bulk of their time sleeping stirring only to reproduce and acquire food.

There is pleasure in exercise. It feels good to move though not at first. Getting the sweat and the endorphins flowing feels really sweet. But if it is so good, why doesn't it come automatically to us? Why aren't we all endorphin junkies?

Clearly, it takes little motivation to eat regularly or to want sex. These are hardwired into our systems. But there are other pleasures that are just as addictive that don't come naturally. For instance, people love watching television. This is something we share with no other animal. We even share alcoholism with animals but not television viewing. The same thing can be said for reading books, gambling, workaholism, hobbies, or what have you. These pleasures are largely mental. They are within that large brain we have.

People who exercise regularly are habituated to it. They take pleasure in it inside their brains. Many are narcissists. Others border on religious fanatacism. Some just like that endorphin rush. Then, there is the "pump" which is when your muscles are engorged in blood from lifting weights and are huge. Whatever the reason, fitness addicts take a higher pleasure in their activities.

This is what I call "positive addiction." Now anything can be destructive if taken to an extreme. But being a gym rat is way better than being a coke fiend. So, how does one go about cultivating a positive addiction? It all begins in the brain.

The reason people go to the gym in January and disappear in March is simple. They don't enjoy going to the gym. That seems so goddamn elementary as to be laughable. But it is that simple. People want the results of going to the gym. They just don't want the gym. Basically, they are enduring something they consider unpleasant for some reward. As the misery corrodes their minds, they say, "Fuck this." And it is over.

True gym rats just love the gym. They enjoy it the way others enjoy the bar, the casino, or just the couch and the TV. They love being there. They love the activity for its own sake. If you don't love what you do, you will stop doing it. The key to doing something is to love it.

I have all sorts of bad habits, but the one thing everyone says about me is that I love to work. I take some joy in it that others don't. I never call off even when sick. My car shitted out on me one morning, and I was devastated because it meant missing work. I also write a lot. Most people hate writing. I love it. I have the love for what I do.

People don't love the gym. If I was doing marketing for a fitness center, I would do an ad campaign where I plastered "Love the gym" everywhere I could. When you see an exorexic like Tony Krupicka, the one word used to describe him is "passionate." He loves to run. He loves being in those mountains. Deprived of this pleasure, he gets depressed.

For me, I used to run. I was motivated to do this by Jim Fixx's book The Complete Book of Running. I bought it for 25 cents off a stack of used books at the University of South Carolina. Undoubtedly, the original owner considered it dogshit after Fixx died of a heart attack. But that is a great book. It gets you stoked to run because Fixx didn't just dish practical running tips but talked about running as some natural high druggy trippy mystical experience. Clearly, this was a product of a baby boomer in the 70's. Needless to say, it had an effect on me, and I started running after work late at night. I loved it.



This love continued for a few years into my late twenties. I lost the love for running about the time I also lost my faith, and I lost my love for work at Hell, Inc. I lost a lot of things during that time. The reason I lost my love for running is because I was alone with my thoughts, and those thoughts were dark. I would run and end up feeling worse instead of better. Physically, I felt great. Mentally, I was Kurt Cobain. I can lose myself in work or study or writing an essay like this. With running, the demons come out. On a run one night, I found myself punching the air. Anyone who saw me must have thought I was a maniac or doing a Rocky impersonation. It was the anger coming out.

The same thing happens to me when I drive long distances with the radio turned off. I need the distraction in order to not think. I just don't want to think about that stuff. I bury myself in economics, politics, and current events because it makes me not think about the things that bother me. Running, housework, driving--they are all deprived of constant distraction. I listen to my iPod when washing the dishes to drown out the shit in my head. When I go for a walk, I need the iPod.

My resolution for 2011 is not to go to the gym and get in shape or get back into running. My resolution is to clear my head of this shit--the anger, the sadness, and the pain. I must learn to let those things go. My running stopped when I lost my religion because I let Jesus take care of the pain. I'm an atheist now. I'm on my own. No one can clear away this shit but me.

Hell is other people. Sartre said that. I always hated Sartre, but he got that one right. I have to let what others have done to me go. They will never be sorry for what they did. No one is ever sorry. They just hurt you and don't give a fuck. That is the part that stings so fucking bad. They just don't give a fuck. This is why people seek revenge. They don't want to correct the injustice. You can't correct those things. They just want that person who did them wrong to give a fuck. But revenge doesn't accomplish anything because those people will still not give a fuck. You can go catch Osama bin Laden, torture, castrate, and execute that fucker. His last words will be uttered with a laugh and a sneer.

I live without revenge. This is how you find peace. This is what I want in 2011. I want peace. I just want to feel that peace in my every waking moment. I want to be alone with my thoughts and not have the anger come flooding my brain. I just want to laugh and say it is alright. I just want all that shit to wash down the drain to be forgotten. I want to be able to run again or just drive a car and enjoy the scenery. I want to be alone with my thoughts and those thoughts to be good.

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