Shit on Christmas

It is Christmas Day. I have spent the last four days fighting traffic and shitheaded shoppers while waiting for countless hours in lines to pay for shit I can't afford for the people I love or who at least love me enough to buy me a gift all for the celebration of the birth of a savior I do not believe in. All I can say is, BAH, HUMBUG!

I realize that Christmas was based on a pagan festival and was merely coopted by the christian church and relabeled "Christmas." One way or another, this day was going to happen. But I still think the world would have been a better place if King Herod had succeeded in getting his hands on the infant Jesus and strangling the fucker in his manger. The Roman soldier who raped Mary should have pulled out.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love buying gifts. I love birthdays and Valentine's Day. That is because I only have to buy for one person, and the lines are not nearly as long on those days. Plus, I can buy them something substantial. As it stands, I have to budget on Christmas to make sure everybody gets a gift.

Picking gifts for people also sucks. I am easy to buy for. I like clocks, coffee cups, and books. The answer for most people is the gift card which I think is a suck ass gift, but it saves you the trouble of trying to buy something for someone. Another upside is that you can knock out all your gift buying in one shot by getting everybody a gift card to the same place. Next year, all the women on my list will get a Wal-Mart card while all the men will get a Lowe's card. Give the gift of shopping! Let other people spend your money. The gift card ensures that it won't be spent at the liquor store.

The other thing about Christmas I hate is the food. I've been eating healthy, but it never fails. You go to some social function, and there's nothing but sugar and lipids. I decline, but there's always someone who tries to push the shit on you. This is when I get pissed. Fuck your goddamn fatty ass Christmas food. I don't want it. Force it on me again, and you will be wearing it. My days of being a fat ass are coming to an end.

I just want the bullshit to end. I dread the season from Black Friday all the way to December 25th. I used to like it as a kid, but my enthusiasm for the holiday ended around the time I realized Santa wasn't real.

Shit on Christmas. Bring on the New Year.

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