How To Build a Lasting Relationship

The media gives all sorts of prescriptions for relationship success. I can tell you they are all wrong. It isn't because I've been married for 50 years that I can tell you this. I've never been married. My longest relationship lasted 6 months. It is because of this long line of failure that I can tell you how to succeed.

I fail in relationships because I have a low tolerance for bullshit. In order to make it over the long haul, you have to be willing to put up with a lot of shit from the other person. And there is always bullshit

You're not going to read this in Psychology Today or see it on Dr. Phil. If you are going to be with somebody, you are going to have to take the good with the bad. You are going to have to eat shit.

The greatest model of this mentality would have to be Hillary Clinton. Certainly, there have been women who have endured worse, but I don't think many have endured quite so publicly as she has. If you're going to be in a relationship whether male or female, you are going to have to pattern yourself after her.

I can't do it. I know I can't do it. I can't be that husband who nods his head absentmindedly and says, "Yes, dear." I think it helps if both people are boring, quiet types. But even then, there is always some level of bullshit.

Marriage is an endurance event. You only have to ask married people, and they will tell you this. It is tough.

The key to building a lasting relationship is the same as doing well in the marathon--mileage. You work at it. You endure. You bite your tongue. You tolerate the bullshit. You stay at it and never quit. In time, your distress over things will lessen. You get used to that person. They don't bother you anymore.

I realize this is why women give me so much grief when I am dating them. They are merely testing whether I will hang in there or not. I always fail the test. I cannot run the gauntlet.

People will say that selection helps. You definitely don't want a cheater or a drug user for a mate. But you're never going to find the perfect partner. Perfect partners don't exist. As I said, you take the good with the bad.

The last question is this. Is it worth it? Is it worth tolerating all that bullshit? I don't know. Is it more tolerable to be alone? Prisoners in isolation for long periods of time lose their sanity. It is the hardest time you can do. Being single is tough because you always feel insecure. You have no one to count on but yourself. And as much as people divorce, they are always willing to give it another try except for someone like George Clooney.

I will always be single. I know this. It is the way I am. But I know what it takes. There is no secret. Maybe I'll decide to hang in there one day.

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