Wednesday, October 17, 2007

An Utter Loss for Words

I feel a desperate need to write at this moment except I can't say anything. I try to express the words, but words simply cannot capture the depth of misery and pain I am in at this moment. I find it hard to even breathe.

I have a very low regard for women. I met a woman who raised my estimations of them. Then she lowered it below where it was previously. It's like taking a damaged car to an autobody shop and watching as they fix the damage and put a new coat of paint on it. Then, they douse it with gasoline and throw a match on it. This is what happened to me today.

I really didn't think it was possible to blow my mind on this shit anymore after all I've seen and been through. But whoever said there was nothing new under the sun was wrong.

I am at an utter loss for words. I'd tell the story, but what would be the point? Like my autobody analogy, it simply can't be explained or dealt with. It defies logic.

I'll see if I can sum this up. I am supposed to love a woman who is crazy about me unless some rich guy she has picked shows an interest in her; whereupon, I am supposed to immediately fall out of love with her and disappear as she pursues shameless gold digging. Folks, I can't make shit like this up.

I could understand if I was in the dark on this scheme. But she told me this. I could understand if I was simply being used for sex. But she tells me she is not that kind of girl. She fucks my brains out, but she says she doesn't want to go too fast. It blows my fucking mind.

Only the diseased mind of a shitheaded woman can think like this and see it as being right or moral. I find it so utterly repugnant that I can taste the bile in the back of my throat.

I am at a new level of darkness on this shit. My heart can't get any blacker. I was under the illusion that this woman might be the elusive Category 3 female I have been looking for, but she is really nothing more than a peculiar breed of Cat 1.

Folks, she really expects me to go along with this arrangement. A goddamn open marriage is more honest than this because at least all the participants know the deal going in. In this case, I am expected to shit on myself, like it, and sit by as she fucks over some other dude, and I know she doesn't love him. She just wants his money.

So, there it is. I have walked on this arrangement. And women want to call me a scumbag. Give me a fucking break.

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