By this point, regular readers of the C-blog will notice the neglect going on here. I'm not overwhelmed by work. I am not physically shattered. I am just in a blue funk, and I simply find it difficult to focus on other things at the present time.
Nothing bad has happened to me. The 10th anniversary of 9/11 has been a bit of a downer, but my thoughts have not been about that tragedy. I just have this blue feeling inside. It has a definite flavor of Schopenhauer. Here is a quote from the great pessimist:
It is a clear gain to sacrifice pleasure in order to avoid pain.
There is this woman on Facebook who recently discovered that her husband was cheating on her. They are in the process of divorcing, but her life is in complete shambles. She has panic attacks, and she tries to put a brave face on a crappy deal. I don't interact much with her, but I find myself reading her status updates as I watch her try and process the pain. I am not much comfort for people in her situation because I am a total pessimist on such matters. The question I ask is this. Do people like her deserve this pain?
At some point, you realize that love is a crock of shit. At this point of realization, you have to stop blaming the others and start blaming yourself. I doubt the woman on Facebook realizes this dark truth, so I can say that her pain is undeserved. But if I was going through the same thing, my pain would be deserved because I know better.
This knowledge is the source of my blue funk. It is what I think about all the time now. These romantic relationships always end in pain. The pleasure they afford is not worth the suffering at the end. This brings us to our quote from Schopenhauer. You are simply better off living alone than trying to make it work with some romantic partner. Of all the relationships I have had, I have no warm or fond memories of any of them. I count myself lucky that I feel nothing about them at all now.
This fellow at the bar was telling me this story about this guy who had a tattoo of a buck's head on his arm. On the various points of the deer's antlers were the names of his children. His wife asked him where her name was. The guy looked at her like she was stupid. The thing that must be noted was that he was married to this woman but would not put her name on his arm. In fact, most people would consider this good advice.
The fact that people consider such tattoos to be stupid points to their underlying knowledge that love is a complete load of crap. I simply point out that if you can't put her name on your body you certainly shouldn't put that ring on your finger. You can remove a tattoo or cover it with another tattoo for far less than what she will take in the divorce.
My blue funk comes from the fact that knowing this makes me face an inescapable conclusion. If these relationships promise ultimate pain, why bother? Granted, there are pleasures in the short term. In the long term, you are screwed. Love is nature's trick, and it doesn't care about your happiness.
The goal for me is to live a post-love lifestyle. I have been doing the serial monogamy thing, but I see this as being only financially more forgiving than being married. But emotionally, it is the same.
My new hero in this way of living is Ami James, the guy from Miami Ink on TLC. I watch the show, and all these really hot women flirt with him. He shuts them down. He doesn't give a fuck. His partner Chris Nunez is a total ladies' man but not Ami. Ami is all business. Is Ami gay? Nope. From what I have gleaned from the internet, Ami has been married and divorced five times. But this conflicts with other info on the guy. What I am able to gain from the show is that Ami simply gives as little as possible to this aspect of his life now. Being married five times would certainly do that.
Schopenhauer would say that the drive to love is inescapable, but I aim to put that theory to the test. I really don't want to be in another relationship. I already know it is all bullshit, so I am halfway to living above it all. My contempt for women is utter and complete, so I remind myself now that they are not worth the pain they bring. The best policy is to fuck them and forget them.
0 comments:
Post a Comment