Why My Relationships End in Failure

I really miss my girlfriend. I can't even say "ex-."

I continue to hurt inside. I am trying to be alright about all of this, but I'm not. She really hates me.

Why am I unable to make it in a relationship? Why do I only go six months before a total meltdown? I'm just not able to make sense of it.

I could understand if I was a drunk or philanderer or was abusive as hell. But I'm not any of these things. But clearly I am the common denominator in all of these breakups, so it has to be my fault.

Where I did the dumping, the reasons are clear. I ended the relationship in situations where I knew they would not last and only end in my ruin. This would involve shit like alcohol and drug abuse or cheating. I can't tolerate that shit, so I end those types of relationships.

My latest trend is not dumping but getting dumped. My current break up is not something I wanted though I admit to having a big mouth about being better off without her. That was dumb. But if it was up to me, I'd be with her. She doesn't want me and has made that abundantly clear. I have fucked myself beyond redemption in her eyes, so I am now suffering everlasting damnation.

My previous girlfriend dumped me out of nowhere, and I never really figured that one out. But I was livid after that. Never saw it coming and never had the chance to recover. She went on to quit her job, try a suicide attempt, ended up hospitalized, but had her shit together the last time I talked to her.

Maybe the question I should ask is why crazy women like me so much. I admit to being a bit nuts myself. My only virtue is that I will confess to all my vices. I can grow and change. I am definitely not the same person I used to be. If called out on my shit, I will admit my responsibility. I tend to improve while in a relationship. My habits get better as I learn more about myself.

I must face the ultimate reality that I am a complete and utter asshole. I have a big mouth. My honesty is both what attracts these women to me and later repulses them. I speak with candor, and I am relentlessly honest with myself. This undoubtedly gives a thrill to a lot of women, and they have to be with me. Then, they despise me as they learn things about themselves they are unable to face.

I am not a cruel person. I am very compassionate. But sometimes, you have to tell people things they would rather not hear. I want to hear them about myself. They sting a bit, but I'd rather know than not know. The women I date are not wired like this. They would rather not know.

I tell the truth. I don't tell it needlessly. I don't go around telling fat people that they are fat. I'm fat, so I know what that is like. But I do tell my girlfriends when they have a problem with something such as with drinking or depression or what have you. In this most recent breakup, it was money.

I am blunt. That is the bottom line. When I make an inaccurate diagnosis of someone, they laugh and call me an idiot. When I tell them the truth, they react against me and want me gone. Their self-denial is greater than any love they might have for me. It isn't their fault for having the problem. It is my fault for pointing it out. My relationships end in failure because I try to communicate with women who would rather not listen.

I like to think if I kept my mouth shut that would help things. But I am in denial on this point. There are some things that have to be addressed in order for a relationship to continue. I can't overlook these things.

Everybody has a third rail. There are certain subjects that are simply taboo for discussion. I imagine mine would involve my fucked up mother. I just would rather not ever think about her much less discuss her. I really despise that bitch.

I need a girlfriend who can face reality. So far, I've never had one of those. Grets was close, but in the end, reality was more than she could face. Eventually, she will deal with that reality, but I know she will always hate me. My relationships don't end because I say the wrong thing. They end because I say the right thing and with that comes a cost.

I don't think I can be in a relationship ever again. It is pointless for me. I can either shut up and suffer those consequences, or I can speak up and suffer those consequences. I'm going to lose either way. Whoever said it is better to have loved and lost is a fucking moron. It is better not to love.

I am unhappy now. I know I did the right thing, but it still sucks. I want my Grets back.

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