The Parasite Class

I spend a lot of words here talking about useless white collar workers, shithead tenured academics, and government bureaucrats. Naturally, some people get pissed off because they belong to one of these groups, or they think they belong to one of these groups. So, in the effort to tighten up my shot group, I will explain how these people belong to what I call the Parasite Class. I will now elaborate.

Once upon a time in the distant past of humanity, our ancestors were hunters and gatherers. They sought out game or whatever they could pick from trees and bushes or root out of the ground. As time passed, they got better at these activities. They fashioned spears, arrows, clothing to protect against the elements, and all of the rest. Eventually, agriculture and livestock entered the picture. But all in all, humanity progressed by work, discovery, experimentation, craftsmanship, and development of technology. But make no mistake. It was work--pure and simple.

Now, there were people amongst these primitive peoples, but they were intelligent but averse to work. So, they used their cleverness to concoct bullshit stories about invisible forces and beings. They took advantage of the superstitions of their peers and developed religion. And all these religions demanded sacrifice of animal flesh, grain, and virgins. These traits are so common to religions all over the world that one must only conclude that the gods were horny and hungry all the time. The reality is that these pagan priests were just duping the fools into providing for them. From the shaman to the pope, this was the establishment of the Parasite Class. They made their livings from the stupidity of others.



I would like to say that humanity is much smarter than it used to be, but this isn't true. Religion persists in this day and time, but even for those not inclined to religion, the Parasite Class exists in other organizations and endeavors. They follow the same tricks:

1. Obscure language.

The Parasite Class always uses a different language than the laypeople. Whether it is Latin or mystery speech or corporatespeak, the parasites speak in tongues that you and I can't understand. This helps to feed the other trick.

2. Hidden mysteries.

The Parasite Class is privy to secrets and knowledge that is inaccessible. Not only do we not know, but we are not permitted to know. You can always tell the Parasite Class because they do everything behind closed doors. They stamp TOP SECRET on their files, and everyone else is kept in the dark. This helps feed the next trick.

3. Indispensability.

The Parasite Class plays both sides of the coin. If things go well, they claim the credit. If things go poorly, the blame is dispersed. For the pagan priests, a bad crop only meant that more sacrifice is needed to appease the anger of the gods. Today, it is replaced by the tweaking of rules and policies and the surgical termination of subordinates. No matter what, you can't live without those parasites because they are "necessary." But it is all the same trick which leads to the ultimate trick.

4. Pay day.

The pagan priests made sure to collect even though they provided nothing of value and could not prove they provided anything of value. Today, the same parasites get paid exorbitant sums of cash for pulling off the same tricks. These people provide little of value, but since people are unable or unwilling to question the trickery, they go along with it.

In government, we have the bureaucrats who police our lives with their endless regulations. No one questions their value even when shit continues to happen despite all of these "rational" policies and regs. Whenever there is a failure, it was not the fault of the regulator. It just means we need more regulations and more regulators. In academia, you have tenured faculty that don't teach or do any meaningful work but are sure to take their paid sabbaticals. Similarly, in corporations, as companies grow, another layer of management is needed. You ask these managers what they provide, and they will say "leadership." Yet, when the shit hits, these fuckers scurry like roaches when the light goes on.



If you call these parasites out, they will react with righteous indignation. Then, they will try to malign you as being jealous for your lack of similar "accomplishments." Finally, they will admit it is one huge con job, and they are some clever motherfuckers and maybe even offer you a promotion to their ranks of bloodsucking. I know because I call them out repeatedly, and they follow this same pattern every time. It is really pathetic to behold.

Now, I want to make pains to say that just because you work in an office doesn't make you a parasite. If you can describe what you do in concrete terms and plain language, you do not belong to the parasite class. Computer programmers code. Doctors treat illness and promote wellness. Bottom level managers keep the parts moving. But if you have to resort to political spin, corporatespeak, academic jargon, or theology to describe your profession, you have a bullshit job, and you belong to the Parasite Class. The world does not need your ilk, and I am calling you out.

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