WEDNESDAY

1. GMAC needs more of my money to stay afloat. This means I will never buy another General Motors product for as long as I live. At least the Japanese give me a car for my cash.

2. Andre Agassi was a druggie. That might explain the hair.

3. Agassi got way cooler when he shaved the 'do.

4. FWIW, I am not on the CIA payroll. You have to be either a dictator, a terrorist, an arms dealer, or a drug dealer to get a check from those guys. I'm just a loser.

5. I will not be dressing up as Bible Man this Halloween. I will go with something completely fictitious--an honest politician.

6. I drove 150 miles past my house on the way home from work. There was hot porn on my laptop.

7. I think redneck jokes should be considered a hate crime. What my sister and I do in the trailer is nobody's business.

8. Janine Lindemulder would make a way better mom than Sandra Bullock because she has a.) tattoos, b.) puts out for money, and c.) Dyke Diner is way better than Miss Congeniality.

9. Who marries a porn star? That's like buying a rental car that everybody still gets to drive.

10. Someone wiped his ass with my "To Do" list. I think I may have done it in a Tyler Durden moment.

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